I went to bed at 2:30AM, but did not sleep until sometime around 4:30AM. I got up with Alex at 7:00AM and stayed up all day.
Today was grocery day. We left about 9:30 and I drove with Mom into town. We stopped by the library to renew my books. I picked up a few additional ones. We shopped at Wal-Mart and I did okay. I was able to pay for everything. We ate lunch at KFC. First time I ate fried chicken in ages. It was very good. The service was not good, but the food made up for it.
We were talking as we finished our meal about pricing mistakes at Wal-Mart and Mom realized she may have been over-charged for a marked-down item. I checked her receipt and sure enough she had been charged $8.00 when it should have been $2.00. It was cold out and the groceries would be fine for a while so we went back to the store to collect her money. That took over thirty minutes because there was only one person working returns and there was a long line.
There was an adorable year and a half old boy in line ahead of us and we were entertained by him a while. Babies are so wonderful. People are precious.
We came home from town and put away our purchases. It was about 1:30.
I checked my email and found one that was upsetting. Seems since my medicine has been changed that I have better attention and more emotion. This is good, but it can make things seem sharper. I guess I notice more… little things that do not worry me when I am numbed bother me now. Maybe part of it is paranoia, that is possible, but then again I just think I am more aware of how things are expressed.
I have been in a tense mood ever since I read the email. I have talked to Mom a lot and she has told me to tone it down several times because she said I was yelling. I don’t mean to yell… don’t think I did, but I am agitated. I thought this person was my friend and she sent me a really judgmental note. I did not mean to provoke that kind of commentary and well I think she was harsh, but I will get over it. I could be seeing it wrong. If I did not respect the individual and love her I would not be upset, but I feel insulted and that is an unpleasant way to feel. I cannot write back now, I have to think out my response and say what I have to say very carefully, diplomatically, because she is my friend.
It could be that I am over-reacting because sometimes I take things too personally… but I don’t know. Two weeks ago it would have been "Oh well…" but now it matters. I feel things. I am having migraines again and aching all over. I don’t notice all that as much when I am partially sedated. I rather be like this though. I rather feel myself.
Stress. Stress is killer. I think sometimes when I am so medicated that it makes all the stress less noticeable. I wish there were a way to minimize stress without numbing a person into zombie-hood.
The change in medication is making it so I sleep less and do not fall asleep standing up or eating, so it is good. I just hope that I can get my nights and days straight. That may take some time. Three years of weird sleep patterns cannot be reversed in a matter of days, but I am working on it.
Enough.
I finished reading The Memory of Running by Ron McLarty. This is the best book I have read in a long while. It takes a look at Schizophrenia sidewise and is a great story. I think Stephen King is right when he says it could be a breakout bestseller. If they make it a movie it will top Forest Gump. I highly recommend this one.
I am starting ten poems to last a lifetime by Roger Housden. I hope this will be a fast read because I have some catching up to do on my reading schedule and not a great deal of time to do it in. Three books so far this month when I am supposed to finish at least ten a month…
Using the computer does not help my reading get done. I love computing so much that maybe it makes it okay, but I do not want to become a non-reader because of it. I have to feed my mind, but writing is good too… and books are not the only thing one can read. There is a treasure trove of information on the internet.
Thank God my walk in the cold fresh air helped calm my headache. I had already taken four Advil and that had not even dented the pain. It seems less now though. I am relaxing a little… quiet helps, not talking, being focused on something besides my tension and pain. Writing is really good. It is like therapy. It is better sometimes because it is self administered. Seems like I can let something go and rest my mind after I write it out.
Well I suppose I have gone on long enough. If anyone is reading this, thanks… It is good for me, and maybe makes a difference.
Always,
Jo Ann 
Chronicles 