Went to bed at 1:00AM and woke up at 7:00AM. Took Alex to the bus. It was raining this morning, so the bus was a little late. When I got back here I logged in to the computer and started checking out sites. Found some good things I linked to on here.
Spent an hour and a half searching for Mom’s 1099 form so I could make a copy to send to one of her pharmaceutical aid programs. Never found it because she apparently threw it away… she loses all kinds of things now and will not leave things in locations where I know where they are.
I dressed in a dress and headed to my appointment with my counselor at 2:00PM. Atlanta Motor Speedway was particularly busy and racing fast today. My counselor and I discussed my coming off medication today because sometimes I feel I would be more "normal" if I did not have to take meds. I think we got to the issue that I really want a better quality of life, and that the medication is not the real issue. We talked about how I feel like a loser a lot of the time and how I could reframe that reaction. The thing is that I am basically an over-achiever and this disease wrecks havoc on my ability to accomplish anything I feel matters. I crave a moderate level of success and I don’t feel successful at all.
But anyway, I did not get home until after 5:00PM. Traffic was a trial on the way home. The blind spot on the right side of my car almost caused me to have an accident. Seems I would be well aware of this defect by now… sometimes I just do not think about it.
I came in and changed clothes and started computing. Mom came to my room and started complaining about my computer usage which irritated me no end. My lack of privacy here is a thing that annoys me a great deal.
I cooked pork chops, broccoli rice au gratin and peas. I was in the kitchen doing that when Mom asked me a question which I answered in what to her was the wrong tone of voice. She told me that I have gotten to where I come back from counseling in a worse mood than when I leave. I responded that my mood had nothing to do with counseling, it had to do with her complaining about my using the computer. I do not think she believed me, but it is okay. I know what I am thinking and feeling.
My counselor asked me last week to write about what it would be like to live somewhere-else. I think I may do that here some other day.
Overall, the day was good and I am glad it ended well…
Always,
Jo Ann
Chronicles 