Month: February 2005

Busy Day Beginning…

Did not go to sleep until after 3:00AM even though I went to bed before 1:00AM. The screeching alarm went off at 9:00AM and I got up and ate breakfast, then I went back to bed until Mom called me at 10:00AM.
 
Alex stayed home today because he has an appointment with his pediatrician. Normally he would have went to school because his appointment is at 3:15PM, but I could not make it to his school and to the appointment on time. Mom has an appointment for her MRI at 12:45PM and that will take no less than an hour an a half. We have to get some lunch, so it is easier to have us all together.
 
I paid bills this morning and that was such fun… Money comes in and goes immediately out without ever touching my hands. Oh well… At least I started out with money today.
 
I hope to talk to my guy friend today, but I don’t know, he did not answer his phone earlier…
 
Well, it takes a bit to get to town and we have to be at the hospital at 12:15PM to fill out Mom’s paperwork. I will try to get back on later.
 
Always,
Jo Ann

Bad Start, Good Ending

Went to bed at 12:30 got up at 7:00, but Alex sent me back to bed and Mom took him to the bus stop. I was not so sleepy, but my eyes were sore and partially closed because I had worn make-up two days in a row. Make-up and contacts do not agree well for me. I did not wear any make-up today because I was staying home.
 
Mom woke me at 8:30 and I did not want to get up, but she is mighty persuasive and damn persistent. Once I was up I logged into the computer and found an email that just about ruined my day… Someone, read a guy, I really care about told me "Good-bye". It is probably for the best because our history is a mixture of ecstasy and treachery, but it still hurts.
 
I needed some validation as a worthwhile human being so I called some of my other guy friends… why do I torture myself? Alex’s dad, was nice enough, but he told me he is pursuing his relationship with the woman who shot herself in the stomach, who he not two weeks ago had told me he had broken up with for good. The upshot of that is that I should call him only if I need him badly, which rarely happens. I then called two other guy friends and they were not answering the phone. This might be a purposeful thing, or maybe they were out… but it left me without solace.
 
I read some and since I had nothing better to do I cleaned out my inbox. I let email build up then I rearrange it and eliminate the non-essential items. It works for me, but I do not recommend my method. 
 
I talked to Mom, and talked to Mom. I also took care of calling her doctor’s office and finding out when her test was scheduled. I tried to get some pain medicine called in for her neck, but the doctor was out of the office. He won’t be in until 1:00 tomorrow. I guess Mom is in for another sleepless night.
 
One of my friends tried to convince me that I am not worthless, nor unattractive, nor a loser when I chatted with him on Messenger. I thought maybe he just does not know me well enough. Then again, I had just been feeling like shit ever since I got the email this morning. I do not take rejection well at all. I will be okay though. I have gone through this sort of thing on numerous occasions, and with this particular person several times. I survived… I am a survivor in so many ways… that is a story for another time.
 
I cooked barbecued pork chops and Mom cooked french fries for Alex and I this evening. I do not fry… actually I am really surprised that I cooked at all. I still detest cooking.
 
My birthday is in July, which makes me a Cancer… but I missed out on the cooking gene. I am a homebody in every other sense, but I hate to cook. I try to get over that from time to time, but even if I do it regularly I still hate it.
 
I managed to take Alex’s picture tonight. Unfortunately you can see his room in the background, but hey he is a teenager. The picture is not the greatest because I snuck in to get it, but it will give you an idea of what my boy looks like. My boy is very dear to me, I have been fighting for him ever since I found out I was going to have him, but that is another story…
 
This book, Magic Seeds by V. S. Naipaul is reading very slow. I want to get through with it so I can start some of the ones I picked up at the library yesterday. The new book area was well stocked yesterday. I only get books from the new book area at the library. If I go into the stacks I wind up going home with books I have read before more often than I like. I have always been a voracious reader. The Summer Reading Program is one of my fondest memories of childhood. I never owned many books as a child, but I made lots of trips to the library. Books were too expensive to own. I began reading at age three and hope to never stop… Libraries are a Godsend.
 
One of the guys I called earlier today called me this evening. He and I have not talked in a while, but  I think maybe we might go out together. We always have an awesome time. He just stays really busy and he does not have much money to spare. Next to the guy who dumped me today he is about my favorite guy of all I have ever met. He is decent and kind and honest… something a lot of the men I have met are not. He could quite easily become my very favorite guy if we were able to see each other enough.
 
Do not think I hate men because of my negative comments… I think men are fantastic. I would not have married three of them if I did not love men. I just have bad luck choosing the right ones to invest my heart in, not to mention my things and my money…
 
I have not always been unemployed and I have had quite a lot of money and things in the past. I will be careful how much I trust anyone in the future though.
 
Tomorrow is going to be really busy, so I better get to bed. I may not write tomorrow, but will try to work an entry in…
 
Always, 
Jo Ann

Addendum…

I forgot to update on the accident I wrote about yesterday. The guy is okay although he is very sore, he has an appointment with a doctor when they come back into the Atlanta area. She made it to Louisiana fine. She took her three kids with her and they were beginning to fidget in the van this evening on the way home.
 
I also forgot to say that Mom chided me for telling her doctor about her symptoms. Alex told her that I did as I should. The doctor needs to know about anything neurological, or else he cannot help her. Speech problems are linked to neurology… I just want us to do all we can to avoid her growing worse.
 
This thing I mentioned yesterday about Medicaid cuts is very serious. A little extra tax on non essentials to fund these programs would benefit everyone. My friend is doing some serious lobbying for it, but others need to get involved… people who are well.
 
All for now…
 
Good-Night,
Jo Ann

Stress in the City…

I was asleep by 12:30AM and rose at 7:00AM. My day did not go at all as planned. I did put Alex on the bus on time, but after that things tended toward the unexpected.
 
I made an early phone call and could not reach the party I needed to talk to. I logged onto the computer and discovered why this was so. Unfortunately, I should have logged on before calling…
 
Mom and James decided that they would go to Lowe’s to shop for a dishwasher and I could meet them there to pick Mom up. Mom wanted me to go into town ahead and go by the library while I was there. I did this and hurried so I would meet them at 11:00AM as they specified. I was at Lowe’s at 10:50, but no Mom or James were there. I had them paged at 11:00, then at 11:05 I decided that maybe Mom became confused and they had gone to Home Depot. So hoping to keep my brother from getting angry with me I drove to Home Depot and looked for his vehicle. Not there, so I went back to Lowe’s now beginning to get frantic. I was thinking they had had an accident or James had had a heart attack (along with lung cancer he has a bad heart) or Mom had had a stroke (she has had several small ones). I had them paged again at Lowe’s at about 11:15 but they still did not show up. The young woman at the desk called Home Depot and had them paged there. Not there… I walked back to appliances and checked with the employees to see if they had seen the pair, but no. I walked outside and checked for the Explorer and it was not there. By now it was 11:30 and these people who always show up on time or early were not where they were supposed to be. I had them paged again and called home and my brother’s house to see if something had kept them at home. No one answered. So at 11:40 I walked outside to get in the truck and contemplate what I should do. Mom called before I got to the truck. They were sitting in the Explorer waiting on me to come out of the store. I could not believe what they put me through. They had shown up a few minutes before. The thing was that Mom told me what James said wrong. He said he would come to pick her up at 11:00 instead of at 10:15 like she told me and then they would come to Lowe’s and I could meet them. This is where Mom’s getting things confused causes me lots of stress. I had forty minutes to think the worst… and they never came in the store. I was near the entrance waiting for those two. Mom laughed at me, and that felt really bad because I was genuinely upset.
 
I took Mom to Hobby Lobby and we shopped, then we went to her appointment. I informed the doctor of the symptoms she forgot, like saying non-sense words out of the blue and confused speech. He wrote this down along with her inability to swallow at times and her soreness in her neck and left arm. He ordered another MRI for this week, so I have to take her miles away again. I was hoping for one day this week at home. He thinks she is having more mini-strokes. I hope he is wrong. I hope she does not get any worse. I am very worried about her.
 
We came home and soon after Alex arrived. He had a good day at school. He went to use his computer and then took a nap.
 
I cooked steaks and rice for supper and cleaned out the dishwasher with bleach. James decided it was dirty and so did not work right. The dishwasher is over twenty years old and worn out… but I had to clean it out. Makes no sense to me. Now we have to clean all the dishes out before we use the dishwasher. Sometimes my family is so difficult.
 
Supper was delicious and for once Alex ate at the table with me instead of going to his room. We talked some it was very nice. We talk everyday, but not over a meal.
 
I took a shower and spent some time with Mom. Now I am here… busy, challenging day.
 
I think I will read a little before going to bed. I hope tomorrow is not so stressful. I don’t like being so scared.
 
Always,
Jo Ann