The List

My 101 things

1. I was born in Peach County, Georgia
2. My eyes are hazel, shifting from blue to green with my moods
3. I learned to read and write by age three
4. My first poems in collection were in many colors because I used colored pencils
5. I had to use a first grade pencil in fifth grade because my handwriting had become so minute it required a magnifying glass for the teacher to read it
6. I have been told I do not write my signature, I draw it
7. I am a highly progressive Christian
8. I am so liberal politically I am not sure I belong in any party
9. The first serious lover of mine tried to shoot me at age thirteen by playing Russian roulette with a loaded pistol pointed at my head
10. I love guns, but can not buy them myself due to my hospitalizations
11. My Dad always told me that he was trying to teach me when he abused me
12. I do not hate my Dad, he was sick and misguided, but I love him
13. My first husband almost killed me, sometimes I still wonder what would happen if we met again
14. My second husband is still a good friend of mine even though he does not see our son Alex as he should nor give any extra toward support
15. My third husband said "Good-bye" so I have allowed him the freedom to move on without interference from me
16. Jeff actually managed to break my heart completely, but I am surviving
17. I will forgive anyone anything against me
18. I can become highly volatile when angry
19. I defend my mother and son like a lioness
20. I love to collect things
21. I have too many ink pens
22. I read like books are on the endangered list
23. I am a technology geek
24. Even when life tries to take everything from me I refuse to give up
25. Challenges make life interesting
26. Change happens, I roll with it or it sweeps me away
27. We have not had a vacation in ten years like Alex and I truly enjoy
28. I really feel inadequate as a parent and a person
29. My disease is a huge obstacle but I try to remember it could be much worse
30. God is good and in control
31. Blogging is amazing because I have made friends here just being myself
32. I am too fat and will probably never be as thin as I would like
33. Perfectionism does not begin to describe the standard to which I hold myself
34. If survival of the fittest applied to all human beings in our society I would be dead by now
35. If we lived in less enlightened times I would be considered demonic or totally deranged and would live my life sequestered from "normal" people
36. I love the Rolling Stones
37. Mick Jagger is one of the greatest showmen on earth even if he is getting somewhat older
38. When I am angry I love to listen to Quiet Riot Mental Health loud
39. Likewise I rock out to AC~DC when angry
40. Music is a mood stabilizer for me
41. I can not take illegal drugs so I use subversive music as an alternative
42. I love to jump on the trampoline when I need to self-medicate
43. I have a truly addictive personality and may become attached to anything
44. Caring for others often comes in precedence to caring for my own needs
45. I tend to be a deep thinker, but am not very rational
46. My heart, feelings, and emotions rule my life
47. If I believe you love me I will do literally anything for you
48. Some think I trust too much and am naïve
49. To my knowledge I hate no one living or dead
50. I will never forget how you hurt me even though I will readily forgive you, this is to protect me from future abuse
51. My son is one of the greatest people to ever grace this blue green planet and I believe one day many will know it
52. Hot showers are a luxury I almost never go without
53. I like fine scented soaps
54. I will put health and dental care at a low priority so that I may have other things I enjoy
55. My threshold for pain is very high
56. Red, white, and black are my favorite colors
57. My best nickname ever was "Gorgeous"
58. Black and white is not my way of looking at life, there seem to me many shades of gray
59. If I were an animal I would be a solid black Arabian mare
60. Given more money I would try to do more good for others in the world
61. No one should live one step away from poverty everyday
62. I believe peace is attainable if we just look inside ourselves and act from love
63. When things flow for me creatively all my poetry is done in one draft no corrections
64. I am self-taught, education never helped much, my drive and hunger for learning is insatiable
65. My libido is unlimited sexually, I come near being a nymphomaniac
66. I will try anything that will not kill me, nothing scares me
67. Sexually I am totally uninhibited
68. I am addicted to Diet Coke in both regular and Caffeine Free varieties
69. I only eat my steak medium rare or rarer, otherwise I send it back or do not enjoy it
70. Bacardi 151 is my favorite liquor mixed with Diet Coke or in a Pina Colada
71. I freely admit to liking my men tall and handsome and longer appendages are a plus
72. I never knowingly plagiarize because I expect my own copyright to be respected
73. I was a horticultural technician for sometime, but I never get plants of my own
74. Once I had a photographic memory, now I do good to keep a plot more than a week in my head
75. I have a hard time believing I have the ability to achieve anything
76. I do love the people who consider me their own enemies
77. I think if I had money to invest in the stock market quite probably I would easily become wealthy I have some sort of gift for it
78. I have turned down some offers in my lifetime that would have probably changed everything in my life just because I had low self-esteem
79. Computers are now approaching the abilities I imagined for them when I learned there were such things in elementary school
80. I believe the work of Robert Heinlein is pure genius
81. Lazarus Long is one of the great heroes of literature
82. Part of my problem with living is that I am too creative, intellectual, spiritual, emotional, and unbounded to live within any sort of structure
83. I burn bright like one who to tries to illuminate the whole world
84. I would never be surprised to find I woke up after dying as a suicide, not something I relish, but something I realize happens to many others like me
85. I am fragile, yet I am very strong, I survive
86. Relentless could describe me
87. Some people have called me a very good actress, I probably could make money in the profession if I was not so fat and unsightly
88. I lettered in chorus three years in high school… could have been four, but I graduated early
89. My church begs me to be in choir when I will go to church
90. Organized religion is not my favorite game, too many hypocrites and judges, I think we all do well to remember we are each a sinner
91. I will talk to and try to become friends with anyone if I am not too shy to interact at the time
92. As best I can be I am honest with everyone
93. Most people either love me or hate me, I tend to evoke strong emotion
94. All three my ex-husbands still admit they love me very deeply, they just find living with me too difficult and call me high maintenance
95. I have never slept with anyone who did not find it one of the sexual high points of his experience, I give my whole soul when I make love
96. I almost never sleep behind a closed door or without a light in a nearby room when I am alone, I am afraid of being trapped and somewhat of the dark
97. Scented candles are divine as a sensual pleasure
98. Getting pregnant with Alex was a total shock as I had been reasonably active sexually from age thirteen with no real regular use of birth control, I was twenty-four and unwilling to abort what might be my only chance of having a child, so I fought for my babe from the moment I learned of his existence
99. I actually see my disease as a gift at times because it is part of what makes me so unique, not too many can claim to be so deranged and still function within any normalcy
100. Love is the principle purpose of all my life
101. I hope when I die I am remembered fondly and with a big party instead of a dreary funeral