Author: Jo Ann J. A. Jordan

Life is an enormous blessing. Creativity fulfills potential. Purpose challenges and gives good reason for whatever is done. Remembering brings gratitude. Faith, Hope, and Love are guiding principles.

Loneliness and Musings on Men…

I went to bed at 3:30AM and woke up at 11:45AM. I spent some time visiting my blog buddies. I am feeling sort of peaked today. Thank God I do not have a lot to accomplish, I already put the two loads of laundry in process. It looks so inviting outdoors that I may go for a walk in a bit. That usually gives my mood a boost.

 

I do have to finish reading the chapter for my counseling session tomorrow. It should not take too long.

 

I just dread doing the exercises. They involve visiting some memories I rather leave buried. I think maybe looking at them will be good, but at the same time avoidance feels more secure. I don’t really relish reliving the incidents.

 

Alex and Mom are occupied with their own tasks. I guess it is good, but I am a little hungry for a human connection today. Loneliness is dogging me somewhat. I will probably try to engage Alex in some conversation soon. Maybe he will talk about his stories. They are so great. I would like to post some of his work here. I have tried to encourage him to get a Space, but he says he would not be faithful to blogging. Other things to do.

 

I received emails from some of the men in my past this past week, not my ex-husbands but guys I had dated. I looked at the mails, but chose not to respond. I don’t need them, as they were not good for me. Responding would only have made me look needy, and I do not want that. I am independent and sufficient without these guys who really only used me and discarded me when they were through. I have a little pride.

 

Men are strange creatures sometimes, though I really do love them. They can be very confusing and indecisive. I thought it was supposed to be women that had a hard time making up their minds, but I have found this problem in several males. I think it maybe comes down to not being fully in touch with themselves and what they truly want. This can definitely lead me into indecisive behavior and I suppose it could be their cause too. After all, we are all human and subject to the same weaknesses.

 

I think that is all for now. I will come back in a bit.

 

TTYL,

Jo Ann

Simple Conversation…

Well I finally figured out how to place the link to BlogShares on my blog. That was an experience. I was shocked to find out the value of my blog. The values of the other blogs I would like to buy into are astronomical. I will get started creating a portfolio on there though. That should be fun. I have not done much this afternoon and evening. Mostly I was dealing with the BlogShares thing. I learned a little about it all.

 

I fixed hot dogs for supper per Alex’s request. That was so easy compared to what I intended to cook.

 

I read a the introduction and most of chapter one in Don’t Let Your Emotions Run Your Life. I have to do some worksheets so I am procrastinating about that. I will do it eventually, but just not now. I have this weird hang up where I will not write in any books so I have to copy the pages that require my input and I am inclined to leave that until later. I do not see my counselor until Monday so I have a little time in which to do it.

 

I am glad that today was a quiet day. I needed to relax a little. I probably have a lot of running to do next week. Tomorrow I have to do laundry. I meant to do it today and just did not get to it. Seems the computer monopolized my time.

 

I am seriously thinking about rejoining eHarmony, but it costs money, and I have precious little of that commodity. Too, my experience with the service in the past were not so good. The matches just were not the quality I was hoping for. I guess I expected men with jobs and a little spare money and that was not how it worked out. One guy I went out with invited Alex and I over to Alabama to spend the weekend with him. We went and that night the guy got really intoxicated and went upstairs and started a fight. He wound up with a gun and somehow he started talking abusively to me. The gun wound up in Alex’s hands pointed at the guy. The police showed up after the gun was out of the way. We got our stuff together and left. That made me a little leery of dating such matches, but I gave it one more shot and wound up with a guy who worked for the Atlanta Police Department. He and I dated for about six months, but I ended it when he continually refused to meet Alex and my Mom. He said he could not do that until he was sure the relationship was going to last, so I gave up. He subsequently lost his job because of a prior DUI. He still calls once in a while especially when he is highly intoxicated, but I have little use for the conversation. I think even though I have some definite problems that I deserve someone who respects me and makes an effort to be involved in my life. I am not looking for someone perfect just someone who is responsible and decent. I am tired of being taken advantage of by people and men in particular. I think it is reasonable to expect some courtesy when dating someone, even if you are not exactly "normal". What is "normal" anyway? I have value even though I am disabled, and if someone is blind to that then it is their loss. I accomplish some things that other people wish they could do, so I am not worthless. I struggle with feeling competent because I do not have a job and contribute to society, but I do things that must be done for my family, so I am not useless.

 

Mmm… I did not intend to get into self-justification. Sorry. I think I will come back later. Sunday comes soon.

 

Always,

Jo Ann

Listed with BlogShares

Saturday… Rolling By…

I did not go to bed until 3:00AM and so I slept in until noon. My order from Amazon.com came this morning, so I now have the book my counselor and I are going to work through. I think it will be really helpful with dealing with my emotions. I need all the help I can get on this endeavor so I am glad we are working on it. The book is Don’t Let Your Emotions Run Your Life by Scott E. Spradlin, MA. I like the conversational tone of the book.

 

My ex-sister-in-law is here again. I am staying in my room to avoid her. I really think I could deal with her today, but am not sure how she would react, so this is probably the best place for me. I just hope she goes in a timely manner this time. She has been here about two hours already and I kinda want to get something to eat. I just have to control the urge.

 

I have been making my rounds to other blogs. It is so good to be able to visit friends. Lots of good writing out there. I added a few new faces to my list last night and think I may add a few more today. This group keeps growing larger which is really cool.

 

I’ve been thinking ( I know this can be dangerous ) about some postings I read about religion, judgmentalness and condemnation, and I think I may have to write some about this here. It relates to my feelings about narrow-mindedness, which if you have been following my blog for a while you will know I find very appalling. I have to reason this out so it comes out clearly, so I am not going to write it right now, but it will come up in future entries. I feel so strongly in this regard, but I want to make sure I express what I truly feel. Sometimes words fail me.

 

Thank God my ex-sister-in-law left. I started something to eat right away. By the way my hands are working more normally now. My nerves are just about back to their regular state, not that that is necessarily "normal" but it is more stable.

 

Hope you are having a great Saturday.

 

TTYL,

Jo Ann

A short entry…

I changed the theme and the layout on here. I don’t know how long the changes will last, but I like it for now. I echo others on here that I wish themes were customizable or that there were more choices.

 

They still have not caught the killer. I hope they find him soon. This makes me a little nervous. I am glad I have no plans to go out tomorrow. The house is locked down tight. We live out in the country and this area would make a good hide out for someone trying to escape the authorities. That is why I am so uneasy. I really thought by now they would have caught him.

 

Well, XP shut down all my security programs that run in the background and I had to reboot in the middle of writing this so this entry is going to be short.

 

Hope everyone has a great weekend.

 

Always,

Jo Ann

Lazy Afternoon

Lazy daze afternoon. For some reason my ex’s are on my mind very much today, but I am being good and resisting the nagging urge to call them. I really am letting go of them for good. It is lonely wishing for a relationship. I just have to keep my chin up and remember happiness is not dependent on having a man in my life. I actually have a lot of other things that are good right now. I love that I am sleeping at night and being up during daylight. I love that I have lost some weight. I love that I am writing some every day. I have even made some new friends through blogging. I love that I am learning new things and growing personally. I love having a dependable computer. I love that Spring is near. Happiness abounds, if I just think of all the positives.

 

The manhunt for Brian Nichols continues. I hope they catch him soon. I have the house locked up tight because we are in an isolated area and I have warned Alex not to open the doors unless he knows who is there. This is a very dangerous man. I suspect he is out of Georgia by now, they have mentioned connections to the Fort Lauderdale, Florida area, so he may be headed that way. Television coverage of this story has monopolized all the stations here today. I actually sat down and watched a little of it.  I feel so sorry for the families who lost loved ones.

 

One little disadvantage to using OneNote to edit my blog entries is that I can not add links in this program. I do not understand why that feature was omitted because if you are using it for research notes you might need to include links to sources. This is the only thing I find lacking in the program. When I do my entries that include links I still use the new mail message in MSN as my editor.

 

I want to thank each of you who visit here and especially thanks for the comments. I enjoy the connection we have forged in Spaces. I am always pleasantly surprised to find links to Chronicles on other blogs I visit.

 

I have noticed that there is one particular google search that shows up in my statistics a lot. It is for naked+girls+spaces+msn. I bet they are disappointed when they read the entry they are directed toward. I am surprised google ever links to my blog at all. I guess my notoriety is published far and wide.

 

I checked to see if my name would bring up my blog. It does not, that is reassuring. There are people I would rather not have access to this personal account of my life. I was thinking how if I ever became famous this space would have to be edited somewhat. For now though it is not an issue. It is a safe place to be myself.

 

Alex is feeling a little better, he told me a while ago that he was rejoining the land of the living. He must have really felt bad, because when he is home he is usually at his computer and he only logged on about an hour ago.

 

Mom is on her computer playing games. We are all in our own little worlds even though we are only several yards apart in space. I am still amazed by computer technology, it has enabled me to live a much richer life.

 

MSN has been iffy today crashing on me several times. It seems that maybe it is a bug in the Spaces software because it only seems to happen when I am on Spaces. I try to post a comment and MSN crashes. I try to get into my blog and MSN crashes. I hate it when these things happen. I would call MSN, but I figure support would tell me that there is nothing they can do about it as Spaces is a beta release. I already cleaned out temporary files and cookies to fix the issue, but that has not helped. I wonder does anyone else have these issues, and what have you done to alleviate the crashes?

 

I will be back a little later. Hope you have a good evening.

 

Smiles,

Jo Ann

Local Shooting…

Alex woke up sick to his stomach last night and did not feel well enough to go to school this morning. I am very glad he stayed home because all our high schools are in lockdown right now. There was a shooting in Fulton County in which a judge, a courtroom reporter, and a sheriff’s deputy were killed and another deputy was wounded in a courtroom around 9:00AM. There is no information available on why the high schools are in lockdown, but I would presume that they want to keep the students off the roadways while they attempt to apprehend the perpetrator. I am glad we did not have to go out today. I rather be at home when such a manhunt is underway.

 

I went to bed at 2:00AM and got up briefly at 7:00AM to get Alex off to school. Since he stayed home I went back to bed and only woke up at 11:00AM. Because it is the weekend I will likely stay up very late tonight.

 

I am still coming alive so I have not a lot to say right now.

 

TTYL,

Jo Ann

Execise 1

I started reading Page After Page by Heather Sellers this afternoon. This book has exercises so I am going to use them as part of my blog entries. You can work along if you like. I guess this is really cheating, in that I do not have to write off the top of my head, but if I am using the computer to do it anyway I figure I might as well post. This is a very good book by the way. Covers lots of territory as far as writing goes. The Table of Contents was mind boggling. I think I am going to enjoy it. If you want get the book and work along. I would love to have buddies on this adventure not being able to afford an actual class right now. I had to make the following lists. I am tired tonight and not really thinking so well. I think my lists could be longer, but this is all I could come up with for now.

 

Exercise One

 

The Qualities of My Ideal Writing Guidebook

 

Inspires me to actually write

Has lots of neat exercises

Engages my mind

Has humor

Helps me overcome creative block

Is memorable

Teaches me something new

Is well written

Covers plot

Discusses character development

Discusses poetry

Discusses story

Encourages me to just get the words down without too much attention to grammar and spelling

Can be adapted to use with a computer

 

 

The Qualities of My Ideal Writing Class

 

A small intimate group

Largely self directed

Fun

Gets me writing

Keeps me writing

Input from others

I learn to improve writing

I learn how to pace story

I am given deadlines

Does not require too much time daily

 

 

My Best Student-like Qualities

 

Intensity

Interest

Eagerness

Open

Receptive

Involved

Comfortable

Prepared

Creative

Committed

Willing to learn

 

I thought I might blog about a prompt from Just Journal For Fun, but I really don’t have the energy for the next prompt tonight.

 

So I guess I will just wish you a good Friday and sign off.

 

Always,

Jo Ann

Busy, busy, busy…

I finally returned from my adventures in town. I am exhausted. I am not cooking, I am vegetating in front of the computer for the rest of the day. I went to bed at 1:30AM and woke at 7:10AM after Mom called me to take Alex to the bus. For some odd reason the screeching alarm clock did not make a peep this morning. Darn thing is undependable. When I returned from the bus stop I promptly returned to my cozy bed. Got up at 9:00AM. Got everything together to go to Mom’s appointment. We got there at 10:40AM and did not have to wait hardly at all. The appointment was set at 11:00AM, but we were in the room and seeing the doctor by that time. I was amazed.

 

We ate lunch at Arby’s. We went to Ross and returned something Mom had bought that was broken. Why we never noticed this in the store I do not know, but sometimes you just don’t notice stuff until you get it home. Things jumped in my cart again. It was disgusting, but I have a new Van Gogh book to explore, you did not know I adore Van Gogh. He is one of the only modern painters I really admire. My other favorite artists are Leonardo da Vinci and Michelangelo. After we did all the damage we could in Ross we still had time to burn so we went to another money trap: Borders. I avoid Borders most of the time because I know it is dangerous, but Mom suggested it and I thought I might be able to exert some kind of control. I am so naïve and stupid sometimes. They had new books in the writing section. I thought they would not, but was wrong. So I came out of there somewhat poorer than I went in. We still had time before her appointment so we went to Wal-Mart for groceries. I managed to get out of there with just the necessities this time. The bill was almost $100.00 which is not too bad for a week, sometimes it is $150.00.

 

We arrived at the hospital about twenty minutes earlier than necessary, but we went straight back to processing. By 4:00PM we had completed check-in and Mom was on her way back to have her test done. I was surprised by this unusual efficiency in the medical system. I am accustomed to having to wait extraordinary long lengths of time for appointments. I read a chapter in Page after Page by Heather

Sellers, one of my new acquisitions. I looked up and Mom was coming out the door.

 

The drivers on the way home were crazy. Several cars cut in front of me with a narrow margin of clearance. I did manage to get us safely home. We unloaded the car and I stowed everything away. I logged onto the computer and here I sit. I wish I had a Bacardi 151 and Diet Coke over ice, will have to settle for the cola alone. Drinking being disallowed in this residence. I am listening to Dark Side of the Moon which is one of my favorite Pink Floyd songs. I will be back later. Right now I am going to make my rounds to other blogs.

 

Always,

Jo Ann

Did a Few Things…

Ah, completed a few of my online lessons. I have a lot of catch up to do to complete the courses by March 25.

 

I used Painter to do a digital watercolor that I posted in My Art. I had difficulty uploading it. MSN crashed several times. I hate it when it does that. Alex says that MSN is the devil, he will not load the program on his computer.

 

He uses ThinBrowser, skipping Internet Explorer even. He is a geek… wants to learn programming so he can take over things. I cannot afford the programs though. He knows HTML and can build web pages from scratch. Alex has been using computers since he was three. The kid knows all sorts of things about the machines. Sometimes he fixes my problems, though I sometimes fix his too. He is a smart kid.

 

I have a lot to do tomorrow so I may not post to my blog until late evening. I have to take Mom to her neurologist in the morning. In the afternoon I have to take her to the hospital for the MRA. I am taking a book. Hopefully I will make some progress on my reading. I am going to miss being here.

 

Everyone have an excellent Thursday!

 

Smiles,

Jo Ann