I woke to Hope licking my face at 7:15 this morning. I ate a brownie and drank a Caffeine Free Diet Sam’s Cola for breakfast. Mom went to church with June.

 

I checked my email and wrote some replies. I decided to read in Writing Poetry From the Inside Out by Sandford Lyne. I did a poem sketch with the words: tribe, riverbank, ghosts, names. It actually turned into a poem and I posted it here.

 

I vacuumed the house. I really resisted this today. I wanted to read and write instead, but I vacuumed anyway. The Kirby did an excellent job.

 

While I was vacuuming, James and Alicia came looking for tools. Penny barked so that I knew Alicia was at the door. She needed a flashlight so I brought her mine. She brought it back to me and I finished vacuuming.

 

Hope and I walked up to Highway 5 and back. I was hoping the walk would take a little of her energy and calm her so I could turn her loose. It did not work that way. When I turned her loose she started gnawing on Penny’s ears. I had to tie her up again.

 

I finished reading Writing Poetry From the Inside Out by Sandford Lyne. This book is excellent. I will be going back to do the exercises I have not completed yet. I have written three poems using the poem sketch idea the book suggests. This is a huge improvement over the creative block I have experienced for the past year or more. I think writing in this blog every day and using writing books that inspire me have helped me become more productive.

 

I ate salmon patties for lunch. Even though these were leftovers they were very good.

 

Mom came home from church. She had been out to eat, to two flea markets, and to Wal-Mart. I let Hope loose for a while, but she bothered Penny so I tied her again.

 

Alex came online and spoke to me. We chatted for a few minutes. He is doing well. His online girlfriend La Tes is coming to visit him next Sunday. I hope he acts responsibly because he has never had a girlfriend in real life. The inspection of his squadron is October 29. He left his uniforms with a tailor to be altered because he has lost a lot of weight since he went into the Marine Corps. He said he had mailed his truck payment and that the truck was getting good gas mileage. He said he thought he was quitting World of Warcraft. I doubt he will do it though. He is addicted to that game. I told him I was sorry I had bugged him before and he said it was okay. He explained that he had been busy this week. I am so glad we chatted. I told him I love him and he told me he loves me. That means so much. I had missed him very much.

 

I ate a Lean Cuisine meal of roasted potatoes, broccoli, and cheese sauce for supper. I am glad our Wal-Mart finally started carrying these again. For months, I could not buy them.

 

Hope and I walked up to Highway 5 and back as it was getting dark. She seems a little more relaxed since we got back. I am hoping she can stay loose the rest of the evening. I hate tying her up so much of the time. When I got her, I thought she would be like Penny, but she cannot behave like Penny does. She is a terrorist dog.

 

I wrote the following poem using these words: hallway, doorways, whispers, stop.

 

Finding Meaning

 

Life is a hallway

With doorways leading

Into rooms of experience.

 

I stop along the way

Listening to whispers of wisdom

That guide me on my path.

 

Each doorway is an invitation

To adventure leading me further

Along the hallway that is my life.

 

The whispers stop me;

Taking time to cherish

The insight sent my way.

 

The rooms beyond the doorways

Beckon me from the hallway

To find the value of my life.

 

Whispers of knowledge come and go;

I stop, but then advance

Into experiences that nourish me.

 

Jo Ann J. A. Jordan

© October 14, 2007

 

I hope everyone has had a good weekend. May the new week be filled with good experiences for each of you.

 

Always,

Jo Ann

 

I woke up at 7:20. Hope and I got out of bed and started our day. Mom was not up. I ate the last frosted brownie and drank a Caffeine Free Diet Sam’s Cola. Mom got up around 8:15. I was surprised she slept later than I did. She usually wakes before I do.

 

Mom wanted to bathe the dogs. She bathed Hope first and I blew her dry. After she finished bathing Penny, she wanted to dress the dogs in clothes. I put on Hope’s newest dress and she put on Penny’s Old Navy tee shirt.

 

I wrote a card for Sam’s Mom last night including the poem about missing Sam. Hope and I walked to the mailbox to put the card in the mail. The dogs at our neighbor’s house came out and ran around Hope. She did not bark or act out in any way.

 

I checked email and played Spider Solitaire. I actually won the game I played.

 

I finished reading Coaching the Artist Within by Eric Maisel. It was a very good book and helped me move a little past my creative block. I think it will be a good book to come back to again. There was so much to learn in it.

 

Mom cooked salmon patties for lunch. They were very good. I was glad I decided to eat them instead of a Lean Cuisine meal.

 

Hope and I walked to the mailbox again to collect the day’s mail. The neighbor’s dogs came out and barked at Hope again. She was good and did not bark.

 

I started reading Writing Poetry From the Inside Out by Sandford Lyne. He suggests making poem sketches from lists of four words. I did one of these and came up with the poem I posted earlier. The list from which I made it was: mother, folds, twilight, hands. I thought it turned out well and shared it with my Mom. She said it was very deep. I think this book is going to be very inspirational. I was lucky to get a full-blown poem from the first sketch I tried.

 

I have sunburn from my day in the country. I should have worn sunscreen, but with the cool temperature, I did not think about it. I am so light skinned that I burn easily anyway. My bruise on my back still looks nasty. I am so fortunate I was not hurt more seriously.

 

I ate salmon patties and field peas for supper. I shared a few bites with the dogs and they acted like it was so good.

 

I washed a load of whites with towels. I wanted to wash my socks before I ran out of good pairs. We do not do near as much laundry with Alex gone. A box of detergent lasts much longer now, as does a bottle of Downy.

 

James is going to have his biopsy on Wednesday. He has no one else to drive him so Mom and I will be taking him to the hospital. I hope everything goes well. I am very worried about my brother. Mom said James expects it to take six hours. There are stores around the hospital so we will not have to sit in the waiting room all that time. We will probably go to Hobby Lobby and Borders. I can always find something to interest me in those two stores. I wish we did not have to leave the dogs alone so long, but they will be fine.

 

Existential Perspective

 

Sometimes it feels like

I am standing on a pier

Surrounded by waves

Of loneliness and despair

Where all my tomorrows

Seem shrouded in gray.

 

I can lift myself

Above this existential fog

By seeing the truth

That there is loveliness

In the everyday moments

Which light my pathway.

 

The pier I stand on

Is a launching place

From which I can dive

Into waves that carry me

Toward bright tomorrows

Devoid of loneliness.

 

It is all a matter

Of the perspective

I am looking from

And the meaning

I intend to make

Of my daily life.

 

Jo Ann J. A. Jordan

© October 13, 2007

 

This is another poem sketch inspired by the words: pier, loneliness, tomorrows, waves. I am very impressed by the poems this new book has inspired me to write. I needed something to jump-start my muse and this seems to do it.

 

I still have not communicated with Alex. I hope he is doing well. I miss him so much.

 

Always,

Jo Ann

 

I watched Chuck, Heroes, and Journeyman and went to bed around 11:30 last night. I woke up at 8:45 this morning. Hope was licking my face and ready to get up for the day.

 

I had a brownie and Caffeine Free Diet Sam’s Cola for breakfast. I am glad we have brownies because our milk spoiled and I do not eat Lucky Charms without milk.

 

I called and renewed my library books. I have not been reading much. Computer time limits reading time.

 

I checked my email and Mom asked me to take her Discover payment to the mailbox. Hope and I walked to the mailbox. Hope pulls so hard against her collar that she chokes herself. I guess I will have to start using her harness when we go for walks. The weather is finally nice for walking.

 

It sprinkled just a little while we were out looking at the garden. James came down on the four-wheeler while we were outside. He and I talked a little. The rain did not last long, but it drove us all inside.

 

Mom cooked salmon patties for lunch. They were very good.

 

I did my lessons on Leonardo’s Notebooks and Corel DRAW 12. I am glad I signed up for these classes. I will probably take the intermediate course on Corel DRAW 12. I know most of the things this course is covering so far. The lesson on Leonardo’s Notebooks was inspiring. He was such a gifted person. If I apply myself, I can accomplish things like he did. I think of my blog as sort of like his notebooks. I can record thoughts and experiences here.

 

Hope and I walked to the mailbox and retrieved today’s mail. There was nothing for me. Mom got a catalog and a notice to renew our Sam’s membership.

 

Mom and I cleaned off the bar in the kitchen. It is a catch all area and has to be straightened out periodically.

 

Alex still is not communicating with me. He was not online again today. I hope he is not staying off the computer to avoid me. I will leave him alone without him having to do that. I can give him his space. I only wanted to talk to him because I love and miss him. My niece, Leigh, suggested that he might have been told to distance himself some to prepare for being deployed. I think he could have told me if this were the case, instead of being rude.

 

I am going to the country Thursday. I may not be able to post an entry here that day. I will be leaving about 6:30 in the morning and may not get back until late evening. I think I will take my camera along so I can take some pictures.

 

I wish I had a program that allowed me to make greeting cards with my pictures. I used to have Print Shop and you could do that with it, but I have not had that program in years. Maybe I could do it with Corel DRAW 12. I just have to explore the program more. I guess I am not too interested in doing it or I would find out.

 

I miss Sam, my friend, who died in June. We would have talked about the television shows I am watching and so many other things that are going on. He was always interested in what I did and how my life was going.

 

Missing Sam

 

Empty spaces where you were,

No words to console me

For the loss of you.

 

No more long conversations

To fill up empty afternoons

With telephone confidences.

 

No more speculation

Over what will come out

In the coming TV season.

 

No more recommending books

That I have read

Or reading what you recommend.

 

Empty silence without your voice

No words to comfort me

Through the loss of you.

 

Jo Ann J. A. Jordan

© October 9, 2007

 

I wonder if I should send this to Sam’s mother. I know she misses him even more than I do. I cannot imagine what I would do if I lost Alex. I think it would kill me. I know I would wish I were dead.

 

Always,

Jo Ann

 

Mom got home from the reunion a little after 9:00 last night. She had a good day and enjoyed seeing the family.

 

I am very disappointed because when I tried to chat with Alex, my son, last night he told me to leave him alone. He evidently wants to talk only when he wants to do so. I know there will come a time when we cannot communicate, so I like to communicate with him as often as I can. I will leave him alone though. He can get in touch with me. I do not have to talk to him anyway. I am very angry about this because he was rude to me and it was not necessary.

 

I went to bed about 11:30. I woke up this morning at 6:15, but decided it was too early and went back to sleep. I got up at 8:45. Hope was very happy to get up. She licked all over my face. I had a brownie with my Caffeine Free Diet Sam’s Cola for breakfast.

 

I came back and sat down at the computer. Mom called me and said shouldn’t I do something other than be on the computer. I got up, went to the kitchen, picked up Hope, and held her for a few minutes.

 

Mom said she was going up to James’ to clean up the Pond George sign. When she left, I picked up all the dog toys and put them in the boxes. I plugged in the Kirby and vacuumed the house. Mom came back and took her bath. I finished vacuuming and took my shower.

 

After I dressed in a nice outfit to go to the party, I wrote out the birthday cards. I cooked lasagna for lunch. Mom said it was the best lasagna she had eaten.

 

We went to the party. My cousin, Jim, was surprised. The party went very well. We stayed about an hour. When we arrived home, I accidentally shut the door on Hope’s foot. She is okay, she just cried out when it happened. I changed out of the nice clothes into shorts and a tee shirt.

 

I read some email and wrote a couple of replies. Mom left to go to James’ house again. I fixed her medicine for the next two weeks, which takes about an hour to do. She is on so many medications and they have to go in the right dosing containers. I keep track of the list on the computer.

 

Hope has been sitting in my lap while I typed this, but she is getting restless. Actually, she has been restless the whole time. I think I will let her be loose a little while.

 

Grown Up

 

He does not like it

Anymore when I tell him

Something he should do.

 

He does not want me

To know what he does

Or who he is with.

 

He does not like

To talk to me

Unless it is at his bidding.

 

He does not think

I know anything

That he does not.

 

He does not want

Any advice from me,

He will do things his way.

 

He does not realize

How much it hurts me

To be discarded by him.

 

He does not care

If I feel sad because

He has left me behind.

 

Jo Ann J. A. Jordan

© October 7, 2007

 

The poem just came to me. It started and I came to the computer and the rest came out. I do not think it is very good, but it expresses my life. That is the main thing I have to write about, my experience. Sometimes it is worth sharing and sometimes it is only navel gazing. I have not the intelligence always to know the difference.

 

Mom cut up her watermelon and I took the rinds outside where the crows can eat them.

 

Always,

Jo Ann

 

I got up at 7:30 this morning. Hope was ready to get out of bed.

 

The technician called about 7:40 and said he was on his way to come fix the refrigerator. Mom was not up yet because her Mobic had allowed her to get a good night’s sleep. We both got dressed and the technician got here about 8:20. He was the first person to find our house without detailed directions. He took the freezer apart and diagnosed the problem. He said the defrost heater was not working. The part only cost $31.68 but the labor cost $177.00. Mom called James and he said pay the service call and we would get a new refrigerator. Therefore, Mom paid $64.00 for the technician coming out. Unfortunately the defrost heater was not covered under the two to five year parts and labor warranty. Mom unplugged the refrigerator and let the unit defrost and has plugged it back in. The technician said it might work a week or two after doing that. She is saying she cannot afford a new fridge and I do not have the money for one so I do not know what is going to happen. I cleaned up the refrigerator just in case we have to keep it. I do not think it is going to work very well without the new part. Carrie Leigh said she would put it in if we got the new part, but Mom did not say I should order it.

 

I read several pages in and did some exercises from Coaching the Artist Within by Eric Maisel. I think this is a very good book. It gets at the root causes of creative block and recommends solutions for moving forward.

 

Hope hid this morning when the technician came. She was well behaved for a couple of hours after he left. She started aggravating Penny and I tied her up for a while. She has been on and off the leash much of the afternoon and evening. Mom wanted me to let her loose so I did. Right now, she is lying on my pillow. I wish she would leave Penny alone. She tore the stuffing out of one of her toys last night and I had to throw it away. I have never seen a more destructive dog, but at the same time, she is so loving.

 

I started reading a memoir today. I read only a few pages, but it seemed very good.

 

Inside

 

There is nothing

To limit my meaning

But a lingering sense

Inside my mind

That what I create

Does not matter.

 

This feeling inside

That there is no worth

In what I am or do

No matter how hard

I work or try

To accomplish things.

 

Inside myself

I must come to

Understand that

I have meaning

And purpose

That are important.

 

I may not be able

To do as much

As some others

But what I do

Is valuable

And has significance.

 

The change must start

Inside my heart

To realize a good effect

Throughout my life

By creating confidence

In my work and myself.

 

Inside I must be strong

Enough to follow through

On the purposes I set

For my life and work

Letting creation flow

And becoming real.

 

Jo Ann J. A. Jordan

© October 3, 2007

 

Well that is a good first draft. Maybe I will work on it more or maybe I will let it be as it is. The word Inside stuck in my head a few days ago and I just let my mind wander from there.

 

I hope everyone is doing well.

 

Always,

Jo Ann

 

I got up at 7:00. I think I actually woke Hope up this morning. Usually she is awake and ready to get out of bed when I wake up.

 

Mom fixed me eggs and toast for breakfast so I did not have my usual cereal. Mom likes me to write her cards for her because her handwriting is not good due to her shaking with Parkinson’s disease. I wrote three cards for her yesterday and three more today. I let her use two of my cards today because they were appropriate for what she was sending. I have many cards.

 

We left for town at 10:00. We went by the feed store so Mom could get Dipel to go on the garden. We stopped at Sam’s Club and Mom picked up a few things. I dropped off my prescriptions so I would not lose them before I needed them. We went to Wal-Mart and I picked up some bologna, vanilla syrup for my coffee, and a toy and bandana for Hope. Mom picked up her jacket at the dry cleaners. We went by the bank and cashed my rebate check. I decided I would rather go home than eat at a restaurant because I was not very hungry. We stopped by Dollar General and I picked up some licorice, cards, and two blank books.

 

Mom cooked some bacon and I had a bacon and tomato sandwich for lunch. It was delicious. I am so glad we still have fresh tomatoes. I hope the collards Mom planted do well. I am not a big collard fan, but with the turnips from James’ garden mixed in they will be good.

 

I think I will go to Borders tomorrow. I would like to browse the writing books and art books.

 

Mom gave Hope an empty squeeze tube to play with this morning. When I gave her the new toy I bought for her today, she actually dropped it and went back to playing with the squeeze tube. I had to take it away from her and throw it away because she had gnawed it until it was coming apart.

 

Mom’s arthritis is causing her a lot of pain so I asked the pharmacist at Sam’s if there was a medication other than Celebrex that she could take. She suggested I have her doctor call in a prescription for Mobic. Evidently, it is very good and comes in a $4.00 generic. I called Mom’s doctor’s office when we got home, but they have not called in the prescription yet. The office was having phone problems so it may be tomorrow before they can call it in. I hope it will be good and help her be more comfortable.

 

Alex was not online today so I did not get to chat with him.

 

James, my brother, thinks they will be doing exploratory surgery instead of just a biopsy. He may have to be in the hospital for three days. I guess we will be going to be at the hospital while they do the surgery. He does not know when it will be yet.

 

Mom scheduled our flu shots at Kroger on October 2. Our doctor never gets the flu shot early and Mom is afraid there is going to be a shortage. We have been getting our flu shots at Kroger for a few years.

 

I have $15.59 left in my bank account. That should get me through the end of the month. I could have skipped buying the toy and bandana for Hope, but she is my baby.

 

Blogging

 

Just a way to share

A bit of my day to day

With others in the world.

 

Maybe something I say

Will inspire another

Along their own pathway.

 

Nothing spectacular

But words from my heart

Open for all to read.

 

Making friends far and near

Through experience shared

In words honestly presented.

 

Jo Ann J. A. Jordan

© September 27, 2007

 

Does not seem like there is much to write about, just mundane things. I seem to stay busy though. I have noticed that many of my blog buddies do not blog as much as they once did. I am hoping to continue writing daily, but it is hard to be interesting every day.

 

Hope you all have a good day.

 

Always,

Jo Ann