Yesterday cancelled due to…

The power was off for a couple of hours last night due to high winds so I did not file an entry for the day.
 
I went to sleep at 12:30 Friday night and rose at 8:00 on Saturday morning. I stayed up all day. Thank God I was in less pain yesterday.
 
I made some iron on transfers for Mom and helped her decorate some totes. They turned out really well. I think I like the one we made for me best with the Original Creations logo.
 
I finished reading the short story collection, Things that Go Bump in the Night edited by Whitney Scott. This was wonderful I only wish it had been longer.
 
I began reading Derek Walcott’s The Prodigal which is a book length poem. I like it.
 
I will write some updates about today later after the game is over. GO FALCONS!!!
 
Always,
Jo Ann

Not the Best

I was asleep by 11:30PM last night and awoke at 7:00AM today. I stayed up all day.
 
Alex was not feeling well so he stayed home from school.
 
Mom and I left the house before 9:00AM to go to her doctor’s office and turn in some paperwork. We stopped at Pearle vision center to get her glasses adjusted. I was beginning to be in a good deal of pain. Mom carried the papers to the doctor’s office while I sat in the truck.
 
We stopped at Hobby Lobby and did some shopping. I was in so much pain I almost cried.
 
I drove home and we had an argument. It was explosive. I did not mean to upset her, but as is often the case we misunderstood one another.
 
I went for a walk hoping my pain would ease but it only became worse.
 
I thought it must be medication withdrawals, but called my doctor’s office anyway. The second time I called I left a message for the doctor to return my call… the message never reached him. When he called me back after I called the emergency number he apologized for not receiving the message. He said he did not think withdrawals were causing the pain. Now I wonder what is wrong. If I am still hurting like this by Monday he will see me.
 
I have read a little and surfed the internet a bit, but I am very uncomfortable and almost did not write tonight.
 
I hope tomorrow is better.
 
Always,
Jo Ann

Awesome

The day began well. I went to bed at 1:00AM and was asleep by 2:00. I woke to the alarm at 7:20AM which was a little late, but managed to put Alex on the bus on time. I stayed up all day… Hooray!
 
An early conversation gave me great pleasure and despite some pain I have worn a smile all day.
 
Today was gorgeous. The weather was marvelous. Such a blue sky and just a touch cool. I enjoyed my walk without wearing a jacket.
 
I finished reading ten poems to last a lifetime by Roger Housden. It was very good. I loved some of the poems he picked to write about.
 
I started reading Things that Go Bump in the Night edited by Whitney Scott. This a collection of stories with ghosts and other supernatural happenings. It is highly entertaining.
 
I am much calmer today than yesterday. Tranquil I would call it. I have aches though like I am taking the flu or something. Probably just coming out of my medication haze and becoming aware of my body fully. The headache drove me to take four Advil twice today.
 
Life is so incredible in its richness… I am so glad to be here. I hope things only improve.
 
It was so good to be awake all day again, maybe the cycle is broken and I will sleep at night like normal people do. That will be awesome.
 
I don’t have too much to say tonight. I am grateful for such a good day.
 
Later,
Jo Ann
 

Tension Ahead

I went to bed at 2:30AM, but did not sleep until sometime around 4:30AM. I got up with Alex at 7:00AM and stayed up all day.
 
Today was grocery day. We left about 9:30 and I drove with Mom into town. We stopped by the library to renew my books. I picked up a few additional ones. We shopped at Wal-Mart and I did okay. I was able to pay for everything. We ate lunch at KFC. First time I ate fried chicken in ages. It was very good. The service was not good, but the food made up for it.
 
We were talking as we finished our meal about pricing mistakes at Wal-Mart and Mom realized she may have been over-charged for a marked-down item. I checked her receipt and sure enough she had been charged $8.00 when it should have been $2.00. It was cold out and the groceries would be fine for a while so we went back to the store to collect her money. That took over thirty minutes because there was only one person working returns and there was a long line.
 
There was an adorable year and a half old boy in line ahead of us and we were entertained by him a while. Babies are so wonderful. People are precious.
 
We came home from town and put away our purchases. It was about 1:30.
 
I checked my email and found one that was upsetting. Seems since my medicine has been changed that I have better attention and more emotion. This is good, but it can make things seem sharper. I guess I notice more… little things that do not worry me when I am numbed bother me now. Maybe part of it is paranoia, that is possible, but then again I just think I am more aware of how things are expressed.
 
I have been in a tense mood ever since I read the email. I have talked to Mom a lot and she has told me to tone it down several times because she said I was yelling. I don’t mean to yell… don’t think I did, but I am agitated. I thought this person was my friend and she sent me a really judgmental note. I did not mean to provoke that kind of commentary and well I think she was harsh, but I will get over it. I could be seeing it wrong. If I did not respect the individual and love her I would not be upset, but I feel insulted and that is an unpleasant way to feel. I cannot write back now, I have to think out my response and say what I have to say very carefully, diplomatically, because she is my friend.
 
It could be that I am over-reacting because sometimes I take things too personally… but I don’t know. Two weeks ago it would have been "Oh well…" but now it matters. I feel things. I am having migraines again and aching all over. I don’t notice all that as much when I am partially sedated. I rather be like this though. I rather feel myself.
 
Stress. Stress is killer. I think sometimes when I am so medicated that it makes all the stress less noticeable. I wish there were a way to minimize stress without numbing a person into zombie-hood.
 
The change in medication is making it so I sleep less and do not fall asleep standing up or eating, so it is good. I just hope that I can get my nights and days straight. That may take some time. Three years of weird sleep patterns cannot be reversed in a matter of days, but I am working on it.
 
Enough.
 
I finished reading The Memory of Running by Ron McLarty. This is the best book I have read in a long while. It takes a look at Schizophrenia sidewise and is a great story. I think Stephen King is right when he says it could be a breakout bestseller. If they make it a movie it will top Forest Gump. I highly recommend this one.
 
I am starting ten poems to last a lifetime by Roger Housden. I hope this will be a fast read because I have some catching up to do on my reading schedule and not a great deal of time to do it in. Three books so far this month when I am supposed to finish at least ten a month…
 
Using the computer does not help my reading get done. I love computing so much that maybe it makes it okay, but I do not want to become a non-reader because of it. I have to feed my mind, but writing is good too… and books are not the only thing one can read. There is a treasure trove of information on the internet.
 
Thank God my walk in the cold fresh air helped calm my headache. I had already taken four Advil and that had not even dented the pain. It seems less now though. I am relaxing a little… quiet helps, not talking, being focused on something besides my tension and pain. Writing is really good. It is like therapy. It is better sometimes because it is self administered. Seems like I can let something go and rest my mind after I write it out.
 
Well I suppose I have gone on long enough. If anyone is reading this, thanks… It is good for me, and maybe makes a difference.
 
Always,
Jo Ann 

Aw Sheez…

I cannot believe my ineptness sometimes. I forgot to call the library and renew my books because I have been on the computer a lot today. I am glad there is a grace day, but I think it will mean I have to take all of them into the library to renew. That will be a hassle because that many books are heavy. I keep a substantial amount of the library’s supply at home…

That does not even begin to describe my personal library of which I have not read too many books. See I have this thing where I figure I can read the books I own any time, but I borrow library books so those have to be returned and I read them instead. It is nutty, but I have been doing it a while now. One day I might not have access to a good library with lots of new books, so I have all these books I can read in that event. Yeah, I’m eccentric, that is okay… I think I am afraid of shortages and I do not really know why, but it seems to drive some bizarre hording habits I engage in.

I had gumbo for supper, it was tasty. Even though it was just canned gumbo that was alright. Homemade gumbo would be better. You cannot complain about canned when you don’t cook though, and everybody knows I do not cook. I think about that sometimes, but I am an avowed non-cooker. I did make sweet potato soufflé for Christmas, but that was an aberration.

I have to get new plug wires for my car because the "mechanic" who tuned up my car did not secure the plug wires. One of the casings is cracked because of arcing voltage as I drove home. I hope I can wait until next month to buy those… this month is running short, very short on cash. Would you call a guy who did not test drive your car a mechanic, I doubt it, so I use the word loosely. 

Groceries are not a luxury, but I hope I can limit the amount I spend on them this week. It is hard to do so at Wal-Mart. Funny the things that can creep into a grocery cart and you know they deliberately set you up to spend more than you intend when you go there. You go in to spend $25.00 and come out with $150.00 and they take your money happily to the bank. I am thankful that America has stores like Wal-Mart though, we are very blessed as a nation.

I wonder if anyone is reading this… I guess it is okay either way.

Enough for now.

Always,
Jo Ann

Today…

I again went to bed at 8:00AM, but this time I rose at noon. Much better than yesterday.

I managed to troubleshoot my problems with Corel Graphics Suite 12 and install the service pack which previously would not install.

Alex went off to school and Mom went out with a friend so I had the house to myself for quite a while. I started the lessons for FrontPage 2003 offered free by HP. I figure if I learn the program that it can help me with a web-site when and if I finally set a .com up. Someone offered me free space on a web server, so maybe I will do it, eventually.

I added some books to the list of what I read last year posted on here. It will take awhile to list all 129 books. Funny trying to remember all of them enough to make a comment on each one. Some are still in my memory, but a few have slipped completely out. This year I should write a little about the book when I note the pages in my reading journal. That is if I read this year, so far I am getting very little of it done. Having a well functioning computer keeps me busy and I do not read books so much. Having DSL makes surfing more enjoyable too.

If I get the sleeping thing under control I will probably volunteer at the library. That will keep me busy too. I already stay busy, but it will get me out of the house more.

Sometimes I wish human beings did not require sleep. I would accomplish so much more if I could just skip that part of life. The dreaming is nice though when it is not nightmares.

I really like the idea of this space on the web… The only complaint I have with MSN about it is the fact you cannot easily copy and paste text into the blog. I hate writing without a spellchecker. I mean is that not the main point of using a computer for text, so that you minimize your errors. I just discovered you can ctrl+v to paste here. That will make future entries better. I would like to be able to just right click copy and paste, but ctrl+v will work. Sometimes keystroke shortcuts are not obvious to me. I guess that comes with having mostly learned computers after the advent of Windows.

Well, I’m off…

Always,
Jo Ann

Not Much To Today

I did not go to bed until about 8:00AM so there was not much to the day. I slept most of the light away. Goes that way sometimes. I am really trying to get on a schedule where I sleep at night, but it is not working well. I hate the havoc reversing day and night plays with my life. However, I managed to get quite a few things into this space during the early morning hours.

Alex, my sixteen year old son, has to go back to school tomorrow after the long weekend. I always feel a little sad sending him off to school. I like for him to be at home. I can imagine how I will feel if he goes in the Marines as he plans. I don’t like to think about it too much. No need to worry before it happens… I do though, I worry about his going to Iraq and the damage combat would do to his psyche. He is a sensitive person and a caring person, could he handle all that?

Both our computers are working well now. No thanks to HP, MSN, and Microsoft tech support. I had to figure out the problems on my own. I am becoming pretty good at solving issues. I never thought I would be working with hardware and setting up wireless networks, but I have done both. Software problems are the ones that cause the most hassle, but I have learned to troubleshoot most issues and I know where to obtain information to help me fix things. Wish I was as good at handling life… still have a long way to go in that category.

I think things would be easier if there were not so many stesses. My mother with her Parkinson’s, frequent mini-strokes, and other illnesses is not doing well at all. I have most of the responsibiility for her and sometimes it is trying, and I worry… what if something happens that I cannot handle, will I know what to do? I love her dearly and want to do what is right.

Money is the other big stress. I just do not have enough. Alex wants and I buy, then I look at the debt mounting and I wonder… If I worry too much about it I will go berserk and nobody needs that. Even though I am weak I hold things together and make sure everything gets done. It is a lot of responsibility.

I do not know if this is the kind of writing that goes in blogs, but it is my truth, and sometimes just telling it helps keep me going. I guess that is the best something like this could do.

Guess that is all for now…

Always,
Jo Ann

 

Starting This…

This is something new for me. Blogging on the internet. I think I might like it.

I spent a lot of time today transferring bookmarks from the MSN browser to Internet Explorer. This was a manual process and very tedious. Why couldn’t MSN have an export ability? Too simple a thing I guess.

I have not been reading much because I have been working with computers a lot. I started The Memory of Running by Ron McLarty and am enjoying it quite a lot.

I read 129 books in 2004. I think I am falling out of pace so far this year.

Maybe this will help me write more this year. I seem to have gotten out of practice. I need to write more.

Well, guess that is all for right now.

Always,
Jo Ann