Thankful List

 

I am thankful:

 

  1. Mom and I had a better week and did not squabble this week.
  2. I picked up some good non-fiction books at the library Wednesday.
  3. Mom’s sister and her husband visited Thursday.
  4. My orthopedist gave me a prescription for Prednisone and an order for physical therapy.
  5. Hope and I walked 2 miles on Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday.
  6. Mom’s cold or whatever it was is getting better with over the counter medicines.
  7. Laura took Alex’s Glock to him.
  8. I have a place to live.
  9. Reba is recovering from her back surgery well.
  10. My social security will be deposited on the 3rd of March so I am no longer broke.

Check in…

I finished reading The Swan Thieves by Elizabeth Kostova. I loved this book. So much is revealed about the characters that they seem like someone you might know. I read The Heavenstone Secrets by V. C. Andrews, which was a very good book. It is a little creepy, but tales of siblings can be that way. On Monsters by Stephen T. Asma was a very good look at the development of monsters through time and how perceptions of monstrous acts have changed. I enjoyed reading it. Sleepless by Charlie Huston was a good novel. It deals with the very near future and has great characters. Horns by Joe Hill was an excellent novel. Joe Hill is Stephen King’s son and he got the right genes to tell a fantastic story. I will be going back and trying to find his first two books.

 

Alex was here from February 5 to February 19 and it was great having him home. We spent some quality time together and he helped around here with some of the chores I am not good at doing. He gave me a teddy bear and an extra large box of Tide with Bleach for Valentine’s Day. The teddy bear is adorable and the Tide will definitely be used. His girlfriend was here a lot, so much of the time he was with her and not really with me.

 

I have had a couple of trying situations with Mom. She seems to get angry with me very easily. When I upset her and she is harsh with me, it makes me feel very hurt and is causing me some problems with depression. I just feel like I am such a dismal failure and have felt very negative emotions toward myself. Sometimes I feel like Mom would be better off without me.

 

I fell on February 15 and hurt myself. I wish I had insurance coverage that would allow some physical therapy without a doctor’s referral. I could use the help to get better. I will in the future be more careful when there is a possibility of ice on the ground.

 

Mom’s friend Lil passed away yesterday. She is down about it.

 

Penny is still not doing very well so we are taking her to the vet tomorrow. I hope he will be able to find something that will help her.

 

My niece, Carrie Leigh, came Saturday and blew and raked leaves. I gave her three pair of brand new pants and a pantsuit.

 

Hope and I have not walked much lately because I have been in a lot of pain, but we walked today.

 

I hope this week goes well. I do not know how much more negativity I can take from Mom without serious problems for me.

 

Always,

Jo Ann

Thankful List

I am thankful:

 

1.     Alex enjoyed his leave here at home.

2.    Today Alex flew back to Cherry Point safely.

3.    Laura fixed a wonderful meal for all of us last night.

4.    Hope has been very loving lately.

5.    Alex and I moved a lot of Mom’s stuff from the old storage building to Mom’s new storage building.

6.    I rescued some of Alex’s clothes from going to Goodwill and will find a use for them myself.

7.    I am feeling a little better tonight after hurting myself badly when I fell on ice Monday night.

8.    Alex gave me a beautiful teddy bear for Valentine’s Day.

9.    I am enjoying reading Horns by Joe Hill.

10.  I got some nice things on clearance after Valentine’s Day.

Thankful Thursday

I am thankful:

 

1.     I have a chiropractor who helps me feel better.

2.    Alex got a new laptop.

3.    I was able to check out some awesome books yesterday, which I am looking forward to reading.

4.    My doctor quickly sent through the pre-authorization with my prescription drug coverage so that I was able to get my medication refilled.

5.    I fixed the hinge on the coat closet door that had been broken for about fifteen years.

6.    I enlarged some photographs of my brother James for my Mom.

7.    Penny seems to be doing a little better. She has been a very sick puppy dog.

8.    I bought some new flannel sheets for my bed that were on clearance at Sam’s.

9.    Mom said I could have some of the cheesecake she bought for Alex. It is delicious.

10.  I am slowly, but steadily, paying back the money I owe Mom.

Midweek Reflection

I have not really given much of an update on what has been going on in some time, so I guess I should.

 

I will start with books. I have read many good ones. The Lacuna by Barbara Kingsolver was a good read. If you check out my membership on Goodreads, you can see more of what I write about the books. The Crisis by David Poyer was a good military thriller. The Monster in the Box by Ruth Rendell was a very good read. Spooner by Pete Dexter was a good story about a man’s life from birth forward. The Mindful Path to Self-Compassion by Christopher K. Germer PhD was a very good book on how to treat yourself more kindly and it taught some meditation techniques that I found useful. Makers by Cory Doctorow was an exploration of the near future that was very enjoyable. Racing Toward Armageddon by Michael Baigent was a very good look at how the major religions treat the end times. It really was eye opening. Unseen Academicals by Terry Pratchett was a fun lighthearted read. Writing Your Self by John Killick and Myra Schneider was a great book on exploring the self through writing. The exercises in the second part of the book are very good. The Cheater by Nancy Taylor Rosenberg was a good thriller. I really enjoyed the story and the in-depth look into the characters. Breathless by Dean Koontz was a wonderful book. I loved it. Dogs & Devotion by The Monks of New Skete was a light read that any dog lover would enjoy. The Wild Things by Dave Eggers was too much about juveniles for me to really enjoy it. By The Mountain Bound by Elizabeth Bear was a very good novel in the fantasy genre. I am currently reading The Swan Thieves by Elizabeth Kostova, and am enjoying it very much.

 

Alex and his girlfriend came in around mid-night on Christmas and stayed with us the rest of the weekend. He came home for New Year’s as well. Alex gave me money for Christmas and I purchased some nice clothes with it.

 

Mom and I went to my sister-in-law Linda’s house for my great-niece Jayden’s first birthday party. That was a very nice outing. We went to Hobby Lobby on the day they marked their Christmas merchandize down to 90% off and we got some tremendous bargains. It snowed and I got some good pictures of the snow.

 

Alex took his computer to Best Buy because it stopped working and they gave him a hard time, but with his extended warranty after almost a month they gave him his money and he bought a new laptop.

 

I helped Mom with carrying totes and bags of stuff to her storage building. I also helped her clean out her computer room. It looks much better now.

 

I wrote a letter to Dr. Phil because I was very moved by one of his shows.

 

Mom’s laptop started working so she now has two working computers.

 

We gave away a lot of stuff through Freecycle. It works okay, but some people get very bad attitudes if they do not get something from you that they want. Another thing I do not like about Freecycle is that there is a lot of lag time between when something is sent to post and when it shows up on the list.

 

Alex rode down with his buddy Jake who has a trailer on last Friday. They put the 1972 Chevrolet on the trailer and Jake took it back to Cherry Point, North Carolina on Saturday. Alex and his girlfriend have been spending the nights here since. During the days, Alex has helped around here and it has been very nice having him home.

 

On Tuesday, Alex and I went out shopping for a pistol for him. Luckily, I remembered a place that sells to law enforcement and military and he got a significant discount on a Glock.

 

I was very sick to my stomach Friday evening and felt very weak until about Tuesday. I am finally feeling about normal today. My back is still hurting a good bit, but I have not been wearing my brace much because it ruins my clothes.

 

I have not been journaling much. I was hoping that the beginning of 2010 would inspire me to be more regular in my habits, but mostly it has not. I stay busy doing what Mom wants done and with some recreational reading.

 

That pretty much catches me up to the present. Hope all is well with everyone.

 

Always,

Jo Ann

Thankful List

I am thankful:

 

1.     Alex got home safely Friday night and is staying until February 19th.

2.    Alex’s friend, Jake, carried Alex’s 1972 Chevrolet to Cherry Point on his trailer.

3.    Mom and I got her computer room in good order last week.

4.    We were able to get rid of some things through Freecycle.

5.    Mom’s laptop started working.

6.    I bought The Swan Thieves by Elizabeth Kostova and started reading it.

7.    I bought the CD Songs From The Heart by Celtic Woman and I love it.

8.    I bought a stand to sit my laptop on and it makes it easier to type.

9.    I lost two pounds.

10.  I am feeling better today after being sick since Friday.

A Dream Given Haiku

The first line of this came in a dream where I was trying to teach someone else that she could write poetry… interesting dream, one of my basic premises that anyone can write.

 

Step over the words

Of knowledge given to you

Then find your own way.

 

© Jo Ann J. A. Jordan

Friday, January 29, 2010

Exercise 2: Patterning

Exercise 2: Patterning
Writing Your Self
Chapter 12
Section 1: Getting Started
Sunday, January 31, 2010

Choose one of these opening phrases, complete a sentence with it and then add several more: ‘Today I am’, ‘I shall never’, ‘I want’, ‘I don’t want’, ‘Because I’, ‘I am going to’, ‘I won’t forget’, ‘I remember’, ‘Every day I’.

I shall never understand how some people treat their fellow humans so inhumanely.
I shall never believe my dreams are impossible.
I shall never understand why romantic love seems so elusive for me.
I shall never believe that dogs are less capable of love than are humans.
I shall never understand how anyone could hate to read.
I shall never believe that the art of writing is beyond a literate person’s capability.
I shall never understand why humanity chooses to wage war.
I shall never believe peace is beyond the reach of humanity.
I shall never understand why losing a pound can be so difficult when gaining one is so easy.
I shall never believe my harming another person is justified.
I shall never understand why some people use words as weapons to hurt others.
I shall never believe verbal abuse is kinder than physical abuse.
I shall never understand how some of the rich can be heartless.
I shall never believe I cannot contribute to society.
I shall never understand how God chooses who receives blessings.
I shall never believe God causes tragedy to happen.
I shall never understand my own gift of the talent for writing.
I shall never believe that other people are less gifted than I am.

Now try this again using a feeling or state of mind in the form: ‘Hope is’, ‘Fear is’, ‘Determination is’, ‘Rage is’, ‘Disappointment is’, ‘Serenity is’, ‘I am afraid’, ‘I love’, ‘I’m angry because’, ‘I hope’, and so on.

I love my mother now so much more than I once believed possible.
I love my son, Alex, who is such a wonderful person.
I love my puppy dog, Hope, with all my heart.
I love writing from the heart of me.
I love reading the ideas and stories of other people.
I love learning.
I love drawing and painting.
I love listening to music.
I love the United States of America and the freedoms it represents.
I love having a laptop computer.
I love that God loves me.
I love driving, especially for long distances.
I love having an iPod to listen to on my walks with Hope.
I love libraries.
I love books.
I love having a comfortable home.
I love hot showers.
I love freshly washed clothes.
I love photography.
I love the freedom to say what I want to say.
I love the freedom to do what I want to do.
I love that no one runs my life anymore.
I love my warm bed.
I love having good friends who care about me.
I love dreams that come true.
I love good food to eat.
I love it when I have moments free of pain.
I love laughing.
I love nice clothes.
I love sweet surprises.
I love being me.

Letter to Dr. Phil about Yesterday’s Show

Dear Dr. Phil,

I am appalled that a surrogate mother could steal babies from their rightful parents. Having mental health issues should not prevent a person from being a parent.

I was diagnosed with Schizophrenia in 1981; the diagnosis has since been changed to Schizoaffective disorder. In 1988, I gave birth to a wonderful baby boy. At the time, I was off medication, but since then have had five psychotic breakdowns where I had to go into the hospital for treatment. I have been on medication for years and most of the time my condition is well controlled. I raised my son mostly as a single mother with a little help from my family. My two marriages during my son’s lifetime did not work out.

My son is almost twenty-two years old and he is a fine upstanding young man. He is a United States Marine and I thank God for him every day. I faced many challenges raising my son, especially since his father wanted me to have an abortion because he did not want a child. My son’s father was not very involved in his life. He rarely visited and paid minimal child support, so I had the job of filling the role of both parents for my son. I worked during part of my son’s childhood, but my condition made it very hard to handle stress and prevented me from working a lot. In 1997, I went on Social Security Disability as my income. That did not provide us with a great deal of money to live on, but we survived.

I realize there have been times when public opinion would have been against me even having a child, much less raising one, but they should realize how precious a person my son has turned out to be. He is making an awesome contribution to our world. My parenting was evidently very good or my son would not have become such a wonderful young man. We love each other dearly and are best friends. I would have done anything in my power to give my son the best of loving nurture. I still am here for him whenever he needs me. He respects me and is not ashamed of my condition.

I know firsthand how devastating it would have been to be denied the chance to raise a child because of psychosis. I am so thankful to have been given the gift of being a mother. I feel Amy has been treated terribly unfairly. She has every right to be those babies mother. I wish there were something I could do to help her get her children.

I am now full time caregiver for my eighty-year-old mother who has Parkinson’s disease and needs assistance in her daily life. A person with a mental disability can accomplish much in life.

Sincerely,
Jo Ann Jordan

Thankful List on Friday

 I am thankful:

 

  1. Mom got her permanent dentures this week and they seem to be well fitted.
  2. The puppy dogs like the new groomer and she is very nice. Having her come to the house is convenient too.
  3. Leigh finally paid my Mom back.
  4. Alex is coming home on leave February 5th through February 19th.
  5. I have read some excellent books since the first of the year.
  6. Hope sleeps with me.
  7. I have been keeping daily notes in a planner for over a year now and it gives me an opportunity to go back to find out what was happening.
  8. I have an extended warranty on my laptop, in case something unexpected goes wrong.
  9. I went to the chiropractor twice this week and it seems to have helped with my pain.
  10. I have made wonderful friends on Journal Writing.