Alex came online after I had posted my entry last night and we chatted a few minutes. He is doing well. Things are still messed up in the shop so I am not sure how that is going to work out with inspection coming up. He is so happy to be a Marine. I am glad he has found his bliss. Normally I would not think of the military as being bliss, but it is for Alex. He loves it so much. I hope he still feels that way after his deployment to Iraq in February 2008. I have a feeling being in a war zone can be very hard on concepts of bliss.

Mom called me at 6:20 this morning and Hope and I got out of bed. I quickly got dressed, got a drink, and took my medication. I encouraged Mom to go ahead and take her early morning medicine because it helps keep her from getting nauseous. She could not find it in the truck where she had put it the night before and had to make two trips out there because she brought the wrong bag in the first time. When she had taken the medicine, we left. She was afraid we were going to be late because we were to be at the meeting place by 7:00. We made it with a few minutes to spare. She is traveling with my cousins to the reunion. I did not want to go because so many of the people who would be there are like strangers to me. Mom took pictures, chairs, and several bags. She looked like she was going to be gone a week instead of one day.

I came home and ate some pound cake. I let Hope loose and had to tie her back up because she would not leave Penny alone. I did not keep her tied long. I held her and tried to give her enough attention that she would not have to attack Penny to gain my attention.

I finally made my first post to JournalWriting@yahoogroups.com . I have been reading the digest postings from this group for a very long time. I decided it was time I came out of lurking and joined in. This is a very supportive group and I enjoy it a great deal. Being a part of it will add to my days. I have made several entries today in response to others in the group.

I wrote a response to one of my journal prompts in a blank book and then posted it here. I guess it can be called creative writing. I would rather write a poem, but the inspiration does not seem to be with me.

I ate leftover fish and hushpuppies for lunch. They were very good.

Hope and I rode up to the mailbox and collected the mail. Hope loves to ride in the car. When I say I am going to get the mail she gets very excited and jumps up and down until I take her in my arms.

I should probably vacuum today, but I want to take it easy. I will vacuum tomorrow.

I threw out the rotten tomatoes. We just have not been able to eat as many as the garden produces, but soon there will be no more coming off. The collards are growing well. Mom is an excellent gardener. I am not interested in the outside type things.

I am listening to my iPod in the Bose SoundDock. I should have had it on most of the day, but only thought of it around 4:30. I love music, but I do not make it a consistent part of my life. I like to take the iPod with me when I drive alone and listen to it in the car because my radio does not work very well. I do not like radio anyway. It is probably against the law to wear the ear buds while driving, but I keep the volume low enough I can still hear outside noise. I also listen to the iPod when I work outside. It makes picking up rocks go faster. I have 20GB of music on my iPod, but have not loaded all my CDs onto it. I just have not gotten around to copying all the music to iTunes. It is not a process I enjoy.

My refrigerator is cooling at 40 degrees, but it is icing up in the freezer. I hope the part comes quickly because I do not think it will work well for much longer. I have not transferred my food back from Mom’s refrigerator. I will do that when the darn thing is fixed. I really think Magic Chef sucks as a brand. No refrigerator should go bad before it is two years old. The part we need is on backorder so there must be many units with the same problem mine has.

I tied Hope up again because I could not convince her to leave Penny alone. She has been loose a good part of the day. I hope I do not seem cruel because I tie her up. There just seems to be no other solution for her gnawing on Penny’s ears. Penny was here first and I cannot allow her to be hurt. I love Hope dearly, but she must behave somehow.

I had a bologna, cheese, and tomato sandwich for supper. I will miss the tomatoes when the garden stops producing. The tomatoes from the store just are not as good as homegrown.

We are having such wonderful weather here in Georgia. The nights are cool and the days are not too hot. We are still running the air conditioner, but it is not on nearly as much as it was a month ago. The sky is beautiful today, but we desperately need rain as we are in the middle of a terrible drought.

I am so disappointed that our government does not care enough about children to override Bush’s veto of the health care bill. I am glad Alex is grown. He was on PeachCare when he was growing up or he would not have had insurance. I could not have afforded health care for him without the program. There are so many families who struggle just to make ends meet and without government programs their children go without preventative care and even urgent care. I think this president is heartless and am so glad his days in office are numbered. He will not bring our troops home from a hopeless war and he will not grant our children necessary care. He is a disgrace to our country. Thank God, he cannot be reelected. Another term of Bush and America might no longer survive.

My brother, James, is waiting for a call to go to the hospital for surgery. They have determined that he does have some cancer, but are trying to determine where all it may have spread before they do surgery. I am very worried. My brother helps take care of Mom and I. We will have a very hard time without him. He is a survivor, so I hope he has what it takes to survive this onslaught. Even though he is very harsh with me at times, I love him very much. He has always been my hero and heroes are not supposed to die young. Fifty-eight is too young to face the possibility of demise.

My family means so much to me. They have always been supportive when I have had problems. Three divorces and Schizoaffective Disorder have been trials for them as well as for me. I am doing well now, but I know if I have problems, I can depend on my family to be there for me. So many people with mental illness do not have family on which they can depend. Having my family has made such a difference in my quality of life. I probably would have been institutionalized years ago if not for my family. I know I could not have raised Alex to be the fine young man he is without their help.

I have discussed this before, but some may not be aware. Mom was diagnosed with Parkinson’s disease about eight years ago. She had symptoms for a while before that. She is doing really well. I think that this is due to the fact she has an excellent neurologist and is on innovative medications. She has mini-strokes so she cannot drive and that is a great disappointment to her because she has a lot she wants to go and do. I try to make sure she gets where she wants to go. She has some tremors in her hands, but it is controlled enough that she can paint figurines. When she gets upset or over-exerts her lips tremble a lot. She has some memory problems related to the Parkinson’s, it might even be called mild dementia, but she is very functional. She is taking Sinemet and Mirapex, which are Parkinson’s medications. She takes Aggrenox, which is a blood thinner to help with the mini-strokes. She takes Namenda and Aricept, which are for memory. These drugs are specifically related to her Parkinson’s disease. She is also on many other drugs for other conditions. The drugs are very expensive and during the Medicare coverage gap, she routinely spends $1200.00 a month on medication, which is more than her monthly income. However, the treatment is keeping her active and with a good quality of life. A good doctor and aggressive drug therapy are essential for a good outcome with Parkinson’s.

My Mom is a blessing. She helps me in so many ways. She does more at seventy-eight-years-old than some people do in their youth. She is a truly special individual. I am so glad she is my Mom.

Well, I think I have run on enough for one day.

I hope you are having a good weekend.

Always,

Jo Ann

I woke up at 7:15 and took Hope to her leash in the kitchen and laundry room. I ate pound cake for breakfast. Mom was not up when I finished eating and I felt sleepy, so I went back to bed. Penny came and got in bed with me. Mom woke me at 10:00. I guess I really needed a nap.

I got an email from MountainWings inviting me to re-subscribe to their inspirational newsletter. I went to http://www.mountainwings.com and entered my information so I would start receiving it again. I had missed the daily emails but did not know what to do to resume getting them. You might enjoy this newsletter. If you would like to receive it just click on the link and subscribe.

We washed three loads of clothes. There were enough to separate them into whites with towels, red shades with lighter colors, and darks or blues.

Mom took Skelaxin and Zanaflex to help with her arthritis pain and they made her unsteady and groggy. I fixed her a bacon and tomato sandwich for lunch so she would not have to get out of her chair. I ate a piece of leftover pizza.

UPS had not brought the part for the refrigerator at 2:30 so I called Sears Parts to see if there was some mix-up. They told me the part was on backorder and they had no idea when it would get to us. I was very disappointed because the refrigerator needs to be fixed.

I signed up for three free courses on HP Learning Center. One is based on Leonardo’s Notebooks. The other two cover the programs Outlook 2003 and Corel DRAW 12. I did the first lesson in all three courses today.

After a while, Mom got up and baked brownies to carry to Thomasville for the reunion tomorrow. Three would not fit in the containers so I ate one and Mom took the other two to James. She called me while I was in the shower to say she would not be home for a while. Then Alicia called and asked me to come up to James’ house. We had supper of fish from the pond, hush puppies, and french fries. It was very good.

I did not communicate with Alex today. He never came online and he did not answer his cell phone. He may not have very many minutes for the cell phone. It is a trac phone and is very expensive.

Hope has been bothering Penny incessantly today. I have kept her tied up quite a lot. When she is loose and has to be disciplined constantly, I cannot get anything done.

I am afraid I did not do anything creative today. The lessons from HP Learning Center took up quite a bit of my time. Maybe tomorrow, while I am home alone I will accomplish something creative. I have to get up at 6:00 to carry Mom to meet her ride. I will have a long day to fill with meaning.

Hope each of you has a wonderful weekend.

Always,

Jo Ann

I woke up at 7:15 with Hope licking my face. I am glad I wake up early these days.

Mom was charging the battery on her stimulator implant when I came to the kitchen. It takes about an hour to charge it once a week. I suggested that she charge it while she plays games on the computer to make the time less boring. That works well for her. She did not sleep much last night because her arthritis in her shoulder was hurting. I had hoped the Mobic would help with it, but evidently, it did not help enough. I gave her some Zanaflex, which is for cramps, hoping that would help today. It seemed to ease the pain a little.

When Mom finished charging she called James and told him the fridge was icing up again. She asked if she should get the part for it and he said yes. About 8:15 I called Sears Parts and ordered a defrost heater for the Magic Chef refrigerator. I do not recommend this brand because this refrigerator was only purchased on December 5, 2005 and it has gone bad. The part with shipping was $42.36. That means Mom has spent over $100.00 on the thing and it is not fixed yet. My niece, Leigh, is going to come put the part in over the weekend. She thinks she can do it even though she has not worked on a fridge before.

We had pork chops and turnip greens for lunch. They were delicious. Mom is such a good cook.

Hope has been good today. She has started to bother Penny a few times, but when we pointed at her and told her to leave Penny alone she has stopped. She got the DVD of Alex’s Marine Corps Graduation and left bite marks on the package.

I read about passion in Coaching the Artist Within by Eric Maisel. I seem to have developed a passion for writing in this blog daily once again. I hope it continues. I feel my day is incomplete until I have written here. I want to develop passion to create poems, stories, and art. These are the things I truly want to do. I still have some resistance to beginning new creations. I am such a perfectionist that I do not allow myself the necessary creative license to produce without judgment. I am blocked by my need to create perfectly. I must allow myself room to create without being afraid of failure. I must be passionate about creating even if what I do is not very good. Better that I do something than have nothing to show for the passing of my days. I lack inspiration to start things. My ideas are stagnant. I do not know what I should write about or what I should draw or paint. My imagination is not feeding me anything. Maybe my life is so ordinary that there is nothing to draw on. My days are definitely not interesting.

I hope Alex is okay. I did not get the opportunity to chat with him today. He never came online. It is really going to be hard when he goes to Iraq and I do not hear from him for weeks.

Mom said I should go see my ophthalmologist because at times I am not seeing well. I have not had my eyes examined in at least three years; it may have been four. I cannot afford a new pair of contacts so I have put off going. My contacts cost around $400.00 because they are bi-toric gas permeable hard lenses. Mom says she is going to try to work out a deal where I can make payments.  Medicare will cover my exam except for thirty dollars. I cannot even afford that this month. I have to pay back my rainy day money and my car insurance is due. The car insurance is $109.00 and I may have to use rainy day money to pay it. No fun. It is hard being poor monetarily. I am rich in so many other ways that I must count myself fortunate anyway.

I am grateful my niece, Leigh, is my friend.

I am grateful I have clothes to wear.

I am grateful I have a wonderful son in Alex.

I am grateful my mother is alive.

I am grateful my brother, James, cares for me.

I am grateful there is music.

I am grateful I can still learn.

I am grateful I have a car.

I am grateful I wrote a poem yesterday.

I am grateful Hope loves me.

I list things I am grateful for to remind myself how good my life really is. Things could be so much worse.

I hope to write something creative and post it here tomorrow. Maybe I will use one of the prompts from the books I made.

I hope all is well with each of you.

Always,

Jo Ann

I enjoyed my TV shows last night. It is so unusual for me to watch TV. I am amazed that I have found three shows I really like. Nothing on television I like tonight though.

Last night I forgot to take my Risperdal at 7:30 as I usually do. I thought about it about 11:40 after I had gone to bed. I got up and took it. I went to sleep fairly quickly.

I woke up at 7:45 this morning. Hope was up and licking me. She really wanted me to get up. She jumped off the bed before I put the leash on her, but she came back and stood for me to put it on.

I ate pound cake for breakfast. When I got dressed, Mom decided it was time for her to get ready to go to town. I told her we were not leaving for a couple of hours. Our appointment at Kroger for the flu shots was not until 2:45.

I called the library and renewed my books. I should be reading more. I have some very good books checked out.

Mom took some Sunny D up to James and got a thermometer to go in my fridge. The thermometer did not work right so we could not accurately read the temperature. We decided we would get a thermometer at Wal-Mart.

A few minutes before 12:00 Mom asked if I wanted to go into town and eat fish for lunch. I told her I would rather eat at New China. The last few times I ate out we had fish. She said that was fine and we left shortly after 12:00. The food was delicious. The manager asked how we were doing and commented on how long it had been since we had last eaten there. I have not been eating out as much because my money has been running short each month.

After we finished eating, we went to Wal-Mart where Mom bought several items. I just bought a dress for Hope. Thank God, I get paid tomorrow. I only have $1.30 left in my checking account. I should not have spent my rainy day money on books at Borders Friday, but I really could not resist. I rarely give in to my impulses that way.

We went to Kroger and surprisingly Mom filled out her paperwork to get her shot. Usually I do all her paperwork. We got our flu shots in a very few minutes.

We went to Sam’s and picked up Mom’s medicine and she bought two watermelons. The doctor had called in the Mobic so hopefully it will help her arthritis hurt less.

Alex called and talked to me about thirty minutes. He is very upset about how things are being done in his shop. He stayed until 5:00 this morning trying to straighten things out. He is only one and cannot fix all the problems. He is such a dedicated Marine. I am so proud of him.

My refrigerator is only cooling to 63 degrees. I knew it was not working right. I hope we can get it fixed or get a new one. It would be hard for us to use only one refrigerator. This fridge is only about two years old. It should not have gone bad so soon.

I wonder if anyone is reading my musings. I guess it is enough that this has become my journal and that I am writing something everyday. It is a record of the passage of time and maybe that has some worth.

Hope is lying on my bed. She likes to hang out while I am using the computer. I am glad she likes to be near me. She is such a sweet puppy.

Always,

Jo Ann

I woke up at 7:00 this morning. Hope was calm and waited for me to put her leash on without jumping off the bed.

Mom went out and cleaned up the lawnmower. It was useless because when she tried to crank it the rope would not pull. We need a new lawn mower; even a used one would be good. The one we have was used and we have gotten a couple of seasons out of it, which is more than was expected when it was purchased.

Mom worked in the garden a while and I stayed out with her most of the time.

Mom wanted to cook a pound cake, but all the recipes she found used ingredients she did not have. I went on  http://www.cooking.com/recipes/browse_categories.asp and got a couple of recipes. She had all the ingredients for one of them so she fixed a pound cake. When she took it out of the pan, it was not done so she tried to put it back in the pan and it fell apart.

My refrigerator is still not working right. Things are not staying cold enough. Mom told James about it and he said vacuum the dog hair out of it and it would work right. I vacuumed out the vent on the back, but I do not think that is going to fix it.

I chatted with Alex a few minutes. He says the shop is in trouble because they have a squadron inspection October 21 and their paperwork is screwed up. I hope he will not be in trouble. Alex has a good record in the Marine Corps so far.

I have watched Chuck tonight and am going to watch Heroes and Journeyman.

Talk to you tomorrow.

Always,

Jo Ann

I woke up about 7:15 this morning. Hope was licking my face and trying to get my attention. I forgot to bring her leash to the bedroom last night so I had to carry her to the kitchen in my arms. I put her on the leash and left her to do her business. She is paper trained, but I do not trust her to go to the paper first thing in the morning without her leash.

Mom did not leave for church until 8:30 so I talked to her some before she left. It was 58 degrees outside so we opened the door and set up the fan to cool the house.

My refrigerator is not keeping things very cold so I moved the bologna and milk to Mom’s refrigerator. I turned the setting as high as it will go so I am hoping that it will cool down.

I listened to music loud for a few minutes then turned it off to vacuum. My niece, Carrie Leigh, called and we talked for about an hour. I eventually vacuumed the house.

Alex signed into MSN and I chatted with him just a few moments. Mom came home. She brought food from church, so I ate. When I came back, Alex’s setting was away and he did not come back all afternoon.

My ex-sister-in-law came to visit Mom. They decided to go eat in town. Mom asked me to go, but I really did not want to hang out with Linda and my money is limited so I had a good excuse to stay home.

I ate a bologna, cheese, and tomato sandwich.

I spent the time they were gone reading the novel I have been trying to finish. I finally finished reading it this evening. It was The Secret Servant by Daniel Silva. I thoroughly enjoyed it. It is a spy novel with lots of action. I would recommend it to anyone who likes thrillers.

Hope has acted as a terrorist dog today. She will not leave Penny alone. I have tied her up quite a lot. I hate to restrain her, but I know no other way to protect Penny.

Something funny happened yesterday. My brother, James, has two horses, a reddish brown female Quarter horse named Joanna and a black male Arabian named Sheton. There are pictures of them in the Pictures From My Walk album. Anyway, Sheton came up to the fence whinnying and then whinnying and sniffing the ground. He was very agitated and went into his stall wanting my brother to come see him. James went over and talked to Sheton asking him where was Joanna. Sheton shook his head and did this several times as James talked to him. These two horses are nearly inseparable. James told Sheton he would help him find Joanna. He got on his four-wheeler and set out looking for her with Sheton following. Joanna was hiding in the field down near our house and was just refusing to answer Sheton’s calls. My brother said, "Just like a woman." Horses can be very stubborn.

I better post this and get off to bed. I try to go to bed around 10:00 most of the time.

Always,

Jo Ann

Even though I went to bed about 11:30 last night, I got up before 7:00 this morning. I am so grateful that I am able to sleep on a regular schedule. I have been insomnia free for a while now and that is a huge relief.

Mom gave Hope and Penny baths this morning and I blew Hope dry. Hope behaves much better for Mom in the bath than she does for me, so Mom bathes her for me.

Wendell and Frances, Mom’s homebound buddies, from the church came to visit this morning. I tied Hope up while they were here because she gets overly excited when visitors come to the house.

I checked the blogs on my list and left a few comments. There were not many new entries. I guess that most of my blog friends have tired of writing, or are too busy with their lives to update their blogs very often.

I read some in Coaching the Artist Within by Eric Maisel. I am hoping that this book will encourage my writing. I find the exercises very good. I have been having a hard time writing because I want everything I write to be perfect from the beginning. I do not give myself much room to practice my craft. I am very resistant to writing at all. This was not how it used to be, but I have been blocked almost completely for a couple of years now. I am not doing art either. I do not want to make mistakes, so I rarely begin anything creative. Writing in this blog for the last week seems to be more cathartic creatively than anything I have done in a long while. I actually have the desire to write and that has been lacking for a long time. I do not think of the blog as creative writing, but even journaling is good practice. It gives words and thoughts a form. I did write a poem during this week. It was not a very good poem, but it was something with a meaning. I think I have felt that I did not matter for some time. Therefore, nothing I could write or create had any worth. This is changing a little. One of the exercises I did today was to say I matter and my creative work matters about thirty times. This was a good thing. It made me aware that I was not valuing my creative work or myself. Awareness is one step on the path to change.

I also continued reading the novel I am trying to finish. It is a very good book, but I have been neglecting reading it because I have been using the computer a lot.

I chatted with Alex a little while this afternoon. He got up at about 4:00pm. Alex is a hard core gamer who usually plays World of Warcraft as he chats with me. I do not command much of his attention. I asked him if he bought Halo 3 and he said yes. He has already nearly beaten the game. I am glad I no longer have to pay for his gaming addiction. I could not afford it.

I called in Mom’s prescriptions today. Taking care of her medicines is one of the things I do for her. She would not be able to handle it on her own. We will pick up the prescriptions on Tuesday when we go into town to get our flu shots. We try to combine tasks when we go to town because it is a fifteen-mile drive one way and gas is so expensive.

I read some articles on www.salon.com. I am glad I subscribed again. You can read articles without a subscription. It had been about a year since my subscription ran out. Now that I am using the computer a lot again I enjoy reading alternative media. One of the articles was about increasing the number of troops in the military. I do not see how we will do this successfully without reinstating the draft. There are not many young people who are interested in serving in the military in time of war. Alex wanted to be a Marine from the time he was about eight, but that is unusual. Most young adults want their freedom and see the military as a forfeiture of that right.

Mom is going to church in the morning so I will have the house to myself for a little while. I am hoping to listen to some music while she is gone. I have to vacuum the house while she is out so there will be little time to turn the volume up.

I am grateful that Alex is happy and doing what he loves.

I am grateful that Hope fills my life with joy.

I am grateful that Mom is doing well.

I am grateful that I can read.

I am grateful that I can write.

I am grateful that the weather is getting cooler.

I am grateful that I have a functioning computer.

I am grateful that I am an American.

I am grateful that I have a decent home.

I am grateful that I have food to eat.

Sometimes I complain and forget to be thankful, but I have so many things for which to be grateful. Life is essentially good. There is much happiness to be had in my daily life. I am fortunate to be alive and each day is a gift.

I hope all is well with each of you.

Always,

Jo Ann

I keep forgetting to write about what happened on Wednesday, September 12. Mom went off with the senior citizens. She talked to James that morning and told him the air conditioning was making a clicking noise, but he said not to worry about it. She told me before she left. I kept hearing noises coming from the air conditioner and then I smelt electrical burning coming out of the vent in my room. I called James and told him about the smell. He came down. When he got here the air conditioner was not on and he turned off the breaker so we could clean it. The coils were covered with dust and dog hair. We vacuumed and brushed them off. The Kirby was not working very well, and no wonder it gave up on Sunday right after this. James turned the breaker on the air conditioner back on and there was blue flame in the bottom of the unit. He quickly turned it off and we called the technician. He came out that afternoon and replaced the capacitor that was burning up. If I had not been here and noticed what was happening the house would have burned down. God is so good to take care of us even when we are not aware of it.

I woke up at 6:00 this morning, but tried to go back to sleep and did not get up until 6:30. Hope was already awake and ready to go. She may have been what woke me. Hope is very loving and an attention hound. She loves to be held and petted.

My good friend Sam died on June 2. He was only forty-nine. I miss him so much because we talked every day. He was a very special person and so considerate. He always made me feel like I was important to him. His mother and I have become friends and I sent her a card this morning. We talk on the phone about once a week. It makes me feel closer to Sam to talk to her.

I have a wireless mouse and sometimes I hate it. It goes dead at the most inconvenient times. It also uses too many batteries. The most irritating thing about it is that it flashes red light all the time and sometimes that makes it hard to sleep. I think there could be a better design.

I have three journals in which I wrote down original writing prompts. I wish I could get them published because I think other writers would find them useful. I have not done most of the prompts, but they are very good. I actually wrote them about seven years ago.

Today was educator’s day at Borders. I home-schooled Alex so I qualify as a retired educator. Mom and I went to the special event this afternoon. I won one of the grand prize giveaways. It had many nice goodies in it. I got a journal, some note cards, a nice tote bag, some mini office tools, a photo dome, a pencil and some stickers, a memo holder, a pencil holder, a book cover, and a bunch of coupons and gift cards. I took some of my rainy day money and bought some writing books since I got 25% off today. I got Coaching the Artist Within by Eric Maisel, A Writer’s Coach by Jack Hart, Writing Poetry From The Inside Out by Sandford Lyne, Writing Tools by Roy Peter Clark, and Telling True Stories edited by Mark Kramer and Wendy Call. I hope these books will help inspire me. I also bought two cups and an adorable puppy bookmark. Now I have to replace the money at the first of the month, but I saved over $28.

We stopped at Burger King and I had a Whopper for supper. I had not had a fast food burger in a while and it was good.

I chatted with Alex. He is off until Sunday afternoon. Last weekend he did rifle qualifications and was disappointed because he only qualified as marksman. I am glad he shoots that well.

Mom did not go off so I will not have the house to myself this weekend, but that is okay. It is somewhat lonely when she goes off anyway.

I hope everyone has a good weekend.

Always,

Jo Ann