This Day… And Poems and Prose

I was a very bad person today. I went to bed at 2:30AM and got up just long enough to cut the alarm off at 7:00AM. I did not take Alex to the bus and only got up when Mom called me at 11:00AM. Oh well, once in a while you have to be a jerk. On the upside I feel so rested. Good sleep.

 

If anyone has a suggestion for an alternate browser I should download to run as back up I would appreciate the information. My operating system is XP Professional actually it is XP Media Center 2005, but has all the functionality of Professional plus some nifty extras.

 

I posted some more links yesterday and this morning. By the way if any of you use MSN groups they changed the address again and don’t have a redirect set up yet. Sometimes MSN can be so aggravating. This morning I could not get to my group without all kinds of work. I think I will go complain somewhere… Torres sounds like a good candidate. I already have his link. See Other Blogs I Visit.

 

Mom is busy painting today. I had to help her with some angel eyes. Eyes can be difficult. She says she thinks knowing how to apply make-up makes me better at it. Mom does not wear make-up and ladies she has the most beautiful skin I have ever seen on a 75 year old. Guess that is why I go without paint most of the time. Her other secret is Olay beauty products. She has been using that stuff ever since I can remember.

 

I have some things I must do today, I have been procrastinating about some paperwork that is essential. I really do not want to transfer ownership of my life insurance to someone else, but if I keep it I lose some of my benefits this year and I can not afford to have that happen. Either transfer ownership or give the equity in the policy to the state for a death benefit and I hate that option too, because the equity continues to grow and I know they won’t use it all to bury me. Sucks having to depend on the government for anything. I would gladly tie it up so I could not touch the equity unless I was off disability, but that will not please the powers that be.

 

I wish someone would call me for an interview on some of the applications I have out there. I would really like some extra money. The thing is that no one wants someone with Schizophrenia (Schizo-Affective Disorder) working for them and that I have not been employed since 1995 when I was running my own magazine. I really believe that discrimination has to do with my not getting a job, because I am qualified for those positions I apply for, disability sucks.

 

I have some other poems for you, as often they are old ones, but hey maybe soon I will write some new ones. If you see my muse kindly send him home, I need him desperately. He has been MIA so long I have forgotten what he sounds like. Anyway, here are the poems:

 

Can You?

 

Can you take a moment

Out of all the haste

To put your thoughts

Forever on the page?

 

No one knows you

Without expression

That you aptly place

Your words, no waste.

 

© Jo Ann J. A. Jordan

January 22, 2003

 

 

Honor America

 

Celebrate freedom beautiful angel

Soothe and bless us with your voice

Defend the bountiful equal opportunity

Of independence, hope, and true peace

Urge us to live in happiness together;

Bring paradise to us in a sweet dream.

 

© Jo Ann J. A. Jordan

October 3, 2003

 

Cut Flower

 

My heart is like a flower

Carelessly cut down and left

Lying on the ground alone.

The noon sun shines down bright

Withering my tenderness

No crystal vase holds me

In prideful place to be seen,

Admired by loving eyes.

My heart is abandoned by

Even he who promised to

Hold me forevermore dear,

A flower cut down to die

 

© Jo Ann J. A. Jordan

July 28, 2000

 

Well you probably are ready to move on after that here is a piece that reflects on a place I have been able to move away from, finally. I am doing so much better now. It encapsulates my broken heartedness at the time:

 

I remember…

 

I remember when you once only yearned to hold me everyday. We were like one piece of the same thing. There was no separating us from one another because our love was deep, real, and reliable. Now you seem changed. Though I still feel so much for you, it seems you have found a different interest.

 

I remember once I was sure that I could accomplish anything upon which I set my heart. Those days are however long gone. I know that what I want will not come easily should it come at all. I still hope and pray, but my faith is weaker than a week ago.

 

I remember what? Nothing seems important enough to write. Yes, I remember, but of what use is my memory. Does anyone care? Not likely, that anyone beyond me wants the information and sometimes I do not even want to know myself.

 

I remember days I tried to make some difference in our world, but I accomplished little enough only to make me feel ashamed. Why not do something tangible that could be pointed at in the future and attributed to my prowess? Nothing stands out; nothing makes a change.

 

I remember but it does not matter. I am not worth the trouble of trying to make it right. I am just a stranger walking through the darkness of life’s night.

 

 

© Jo Ann J. A. Jordan

Saturday, September 04, 2004

 

Okay, I will let you go for a while… gotta get that paperwork done though I dread it. Hope you have a marvelous day.

 

Smiles,

Jo Ann