MSN had Me locked out…

I know I am fortunate. My contact popped out of my right eye and I saw it this time. I stopped moving immediately and looked down to see where it had gone. There it was right in front of me. Thank God because I really did not want to go on a search, which might last a few hours just then.

 

I went to bed at 3:30AM and woke up at 7:00AM. I took Alex to the bus, then I did some trading on BlogShares. At about 10:00AM I was really sleepy so I lay down. I woke up at 12:30PM and started working on the computer again.

 

I found this and think it sums up my illness pretty well:

 

Label

 

They gave me a label

To go along with my name

Those wise psychiatrists

Who charge exorbitant prices

For hours of witnessing the pain.

 

At moments I am unable

To play life’s demanding game

I look at my tender wrists

Thinking of sure devices

Or stand alone crying with the rain.

 

Never totally stable

Always feeling the shame

Wishing someone whose gentle kiss

Would care about my crisis

Enough to permanently remain.

 

I can still set a table

My innocence maintain

If there is not much stress

My medication helps arrest

The signs of the insane.

 

Everyone has problems

Times when they fall apart

Maybe just not so completely

Not so open to the public – ly

That seems to be my fault.

 

So if this is Schiophrnic

I guess it is a label

That I must wear

But like any garment

I may be subject to change.

 

Please don’t be afraid of me

Just because they pinned

A label above my name

It is not actually dangerous

Just sometimes I do not act quite the same.

 

© Jo Ann J. A. Jordan

 

This one has a trigger warning for anyone who suffered childhood sexual abuse:

 

Hands

 

In the deep of night

Or even bright daylight

Sometimes I dream of hands.

Hands I do not want to remember

Rough, work worn hands

Touching me in places

I know they should not;

Because, somehow, I know

That it is Wrong.

Oh, the pain of knowing

This should not be happening;

Not to a good girl like me.

Yet, I can tell no one

Because that would be wrong

And I am just a little child

Too afraid of what grown-ups

Would say, "Naughty girl!"

Because after all he is a grown-up

And he says it is all right.

Nothing wrong with it.

Ah, but how it frightens me

In the dead of night

Or even the bright clear daylight

Dreaming of those hands

Touching me again

Making me quake

Because even now

With me all grown up

It is not all right.

 

© Jo Ann J. A. Jordan

 

I will be back in a little while I am working on something really long, and will put it out here as soon as  I can.

 

MSN will not allow me into my blog because it cannot find the server… it is now 3/21/2005, 1:53 PM. I will see how long this lasts.

 

BlogShares Update…

 

UserID

26918

Status

Active

User Since *

17:16 12 Mar 2005

Last Login

10:19 21 Mar 2005

Rank

Unranked (overall standing)

(14,509,016.73% growth in net worth this month)

Karma

42

Chips

775

Artefacts

None

Transactions

Unlimited

Last Transaction

12:06 21 Mar 2005

RSS

Portfolio (with current balance)

Home Page

Chronicles Life and Complexities

Cash Balance

B$2,586,807.28

Total Portfolio

B$60,083,909.72 in 43 blogs

Total Market Orders

B$.00

Total Ideas Commodities

B$9,874,866.64 (1086 in 4 industries)

Total Worth

B$72,545,583.65

View

Ideas Trading History or Ideas Totals

 

Still can not get in to my blog, because of a server error: 3/21/2005, 2:18 PM. Will keep trying…

 

I started painting a new figurine last night. I will be working on it from time to time. It is a bear with a hunting rifle. I think it is cute.

 

The weather here is cloudy, but very bright, and the temperature is 65°. Pretty nice though it may rain in a little while.

 

Well MSN is finally back up… Yay!

 

Always,

Jo Ann